Tuesday, August 15, 2006

off topic: the bug battle continues

yes, it really is 4 am.

that god-damned bug is still alive! i was having a fitful night's sleep, probably because i knew the thing was there somewhere in my living/bed room (they're separate rooms but there isn't door in between). i did, however, think it was dead. not so.

i thought i heard a crackling and sure enough, walking over a pile of mail, was the bug. how do i know it was the same roach is probably your first question. well, the thing looked kind of drunk. it was not behaving like a roach typical does, scurrying from one dark corner to the next, but rather was stumbling around. i have to believe that it was the same thing i did battle with because to be accosted by two roaches in one night is just too difficult a thought to bare. i don't have roaches typically, i swear. i just happen to have a hole right into the sheetrock in my living room ceiling (long story) which seems to be an open invitation for the critters to come explore my apartment.

i'm taking the raid back to key food tomorrow to get a refund.

after shrieking like a banchee and perching on the bed on all fours, i steeled myself for battle. he was looking for his next safe spot and was eyeing the darkness under my bed. this just wouldn't do. if he got under the bed, there would be no chance for sleep for me tonight. i didn't want to spray because my favorite jeans were on the floor by the foot of the bed. i grabbed the other purple flip-flop -

hold that though. there he is again. this is a nightmare.
[five minute intermission where i again stalk where i think he's hiding out from on top of my bed, old sneaker in hand]
aaaaaargh. lost him.

i grabbed the flip-flop and got ready to smush him dead, but he made a break for it, which for reasons that i don't know or understand, causes me to shriek again and, embarassingly, throw the flip-flop at him. 'cause that was going to do anything. what it did do was give him something else to hide behind. i grab an old sneaker and try to smash the flip flop down but he runs back to the shelves as i thump at him, yelping with each thump. it's at this point i wake up enought to realize that its 4 am and my neighbors are probably appreciating neither the yelping or the thumping. i know i am about 2000 times bigger than that thing but it doesn't matter. it has nothing to do with logic or anything rational. those things are the most hideous creatures ever. give me mice, spiders - whatever. just do not make me deal with prehistoric winged insects that can withstand ridiculous amounts of chemicals.

oh man. doesn't someone want to come over and take care of this for me??

and so now i'm watching from over on my couch, waiting for the little shit to reappear so that i can kill him and go to bed. at this point i kind of feel like i should just stay up.

[another 5 minutes]

i lost. that's it. he ran UNDER my bed and now, i'm totally screwed. he's never going to come out! how am i going to sleep? am i safe on the couch? am i safe anywhere? waaiiiit there he is!

[two minute hiatus]

i WIN. in that two minutes, that drugged-up roach came back out from under the bed (thus proving it was in fact the one i sprayed because no roach in its right mind would have come out from under the nice dark bed into where i had all the lights blazing), i ran over with my old, trusty new balance and with what i pray was the last yell of the night, THWACKED him dead. and then i gave him another just in case he was playing dead (they do that you know!) and finally, i gave him one last whack just for torturing me for the last 40 minutes.

and now i can attempt sleep. although i think i'll be a little creeped out for the rest of the morning...

1 comment:

Demps said...

Congratulations on your victory. Promotions all around.

Just by the by - you totally jinxed me with all this bug talk. I've been in my apartment for over three months now and haven't seen a single bug...

...until this morning.

I was getting in my shower and the little bastard was crawling around on the curtain. Fortunately it wasn't one of the big mama jammas, but the regular size ones have a kind of gross all their own. Anyway, this particular specimen (I hate it when I have to open up a word document to check and see if I spelled a word right) was not the sharpest knife in his particular drawer as he quickly moved from the shower curtain (a terrain on which he clearly had the advantage) to the wall. Fortunately for me I've been far too lazy to find a place for my Mr. Clean...shower...cleaner thing (think a swiffer for the tub) so it was hanging on the towel rack nice and handy.


So that's how I started the morning.

Thanks to you.

And just for the ladies: yes, I was in the buff. Because that's the kind of badass bug buster I am.