it's wednesday night, turning thursday october 19th now. i'm blue. i'm blue because october 19th marks the 1st year anniversary of the day that steve died. this will be a hard post.
a while ago, i started thinking about how i wanted to deal with this day. i much prefer celebrating steve's birth and his life. but i know that to disregard, or some how sweep under, or try to ignore, the day that he died is not good or healthy or right. i want to honor steve's whole life, and that means dealing with the whole picture.
i mentioned in the last post that before each run we have a mission moment - someone speaks about why they are running with team in training. about a month or so ago, i decided that to do one of these was one of the ways that i could talk about steve and remember him with other people in a way that would not only allow me to be sad (it's sometimes hard for me to let myself be sad) but to also motivate and inspire those around me that are participating in team in training.
so tonight at practice, i talked about steve and his illness and his death. i talked about how i wanted to do something and went to a team in training meeting looking for a bike ride but came out a marathon runner. i talked about how i was doing this for steve and his wife and his family. it was hard. i haven't talked, out loud, about that stuff in a specific way in a long time. i got choked up. i kept talking. i got teary-eyed, and kept talking. the words spilled out of my mouth more than anything else and i just tried to be brave and speak strongly, 'cause that's what this story deserves.
after i spoke, it was time for our coach, christine, to tell us about what we would be doing for our run. but first, she thanked me for the mission moment, and she asked everyone dedicate tonight's run for steve and his family. that doesn't happen every week, and it made me really glad that she did that. as we ran the warm up and during the hills, other people continued to thank me for sharing, which alternately made be blush and smile. after running up the hill the last time, which of course was the hardest, one of my teammates that i don't know called out as he ran by "hey steve's friend" because he couldn't remember my name. he remembered steve's. he told me "that last one i ran especially for steve."
so tonight, bouv, you had a ton of people running up and down a hell of a 1/4 mile long hill remembering you and thinking of your family. i hope you are looking down on all this, drinking a beah with a shit-eating grin on your face. or maybe that's because the yankees choked this season?
but regardless...cheers my friend. i miss you, and keep you with me all the time. i'm proud to be doing something so crazy in your name.
today's mileage: 5.0
total mileage: 129.1