what happened after all?

hello friends -

it has been a long time i know, and as i was reading back i realized i never gave you a proper and final update to my double-stress-fracture adventures. before we start new chapters, we must close the old ones, so here is the letter i sent out to my people. some of this will be old news but it is a good round up and apologies for not posting it here earlier...

"It has been a while, and for that I apologize...I'm afraid that I've been procrastinating breaking some bad news, so without further ado, I'll get to it (settle in...it's a long one).

You may be wondering why (or maybe are simply thankful!) I haven't been harassing you all with training and fundraising updates this fall. Well, last month I was diagnosed with not one but *two* stress fractures and so was not able to complete my training and will not be running in this Sunday's NYC marathon.

The trouble started in late August after what I thought was a very successful run in Prospect Park...a successful run apart from a nagging pain in my right shin that wouldn't seem to go away. I took a break, and saw a physical therapist, figuring (hoping) it was a muscle strain. After a few sessions and a few runs that we simply eh, one morning I tried to go for a run and my leg simply said no.

After having run a few marathons, I know the sort of pain you can muscle through, and sadly for me this wasn't one of these.

I went to see a very good sports medicine doctor who immediately recommended a bone scan and said I should go "aqua jog", and I had visions of me and a few older ladies jogging laps at the YMCA and wanted to cry a bit. I called to schedule my bone scan - and it would take me a week before I could get in there for one. All the while all I could think of was the days and weeks slipping away. While marathons aren't about time for me, until these moments I had been feeling so strong and even...fast! (Well, fast for me.) And if I couldn't run this marathon...I wouldn't be running a marathon this year for Bouv and that made me even more gloomy.

I went in for my scan and was surprised to learn having a bone scan meant getting shot up with radioactive material. But don't worry, as the technician kindly patted me on the arm she assured me there are no side effects. This was still troubling.

They took some base scans, injected me, and then told me to come back in two hours. When I did, the lady technician called to the "younger" guy asking if he wanted to "scan the cute young woman". I scowled. As I laid there in the machine, the technologist asked if I was a runner and when I explained that I was training for the NYC marathon, thought it would be an excellent idea to lecture me on the evils of running and how terrible it is for your body. I gave him a dirty look and didn't say anything until the scans came up on the machine...where right on the spot of my pain was a big glowing patch of light.

He said "That's where it hurts?"
"Mmm yeah. Is that a fracture?" I asked.
He said "The radiologist will take you through the scans."
All signs pointed to yes.

The surprise came when the radiologist and his two med students pointed out a second point of light on my left leg scan which was...you know it! A second stress fracture. I still needed to get the "official" call from my doctor with the recommended course of action but there I was with two broken legs. When Dr. Bartoli called a few days later and said no running until early October, reality set in that this season was over. I would be lying if I said I wasn't devastated. The first few weeks I was just so sad. I cursed myself for training too hard. I cursed myself for not cross training more. I cursed myself for not going to the doctor earlier. I felt badly that I had already raised over $2,000 and would the donations carry over and how would you feel about having sponsored me? I was disappointed that I wasn't going to be able to run NYC, but more than that, I wouldn't be running one for Steve like I wanted to.

The good news is that all your donations carry over specifically towards fundraising for my next marathon. Thank you so much of you who donated early on...I hope that you know that your funds are in good hands. Even if I would have to walk it, there is at least one more marathon in my future, I promise!

I will start my next marathon with a fundraising base of $2,228.00 thanks to my awesome supporters!

I hoped by waiting to send this email that I would be able to tell you *which* marathon I will be running in the place of this one, but after a follow up visit to the doctor last week, I still have a bunch of physical therapy to do before I can even start training again. Once I am back on the road, the blog and facebook updates will resume but for now...there's not too much to report.

So after my sad news...I have a story that makes me very happy to share.

Right around the time that I decided to run my first marathon, my co-worker's husband Anthony was diagnosed with leukemia. He needed a bone marrow transplant and we held a bone marrow drive at the office for him. He was a marathon runner himself and I was happy to run in honor of him and his fight with the disease. We exchanged a lot of emails, he enjoyed watching my progress as I learned to run, and was amazing at how generous people were at my fundraising efforts.

About a month ago, on a day I was feeling particularly cranky and sorry for myself, I opened my email to find and email from Anthony that put a big Bouv-style grin on my face. Three years later, Anthony is in FULL remission and running his own marathon to benefit the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society this January in Miami! I am so excited for him, and so proud. In one of his emails to me what seems oh-so-long-ago, Anthony talked about how he hoped that once he was in remission, he would be one day be able to run a marathon for TNT. So I leave you with a few of his words, and a link to his fundraising website. If you had a few pennies saved for me, I wouldn't mind if you sent them Anthony's way instead. He is a great man and another testament to why we run.

"As you may or may not know, I'm a survivor of Leukemia, I was diagnosed with A.M.L I am happy to say that with the help of this very good Clinic and the great staff at North Shore Hospital, I'm in full remission. Though I can never repay you as much as I would like to, and know that I could never donate my blood or platelets that is much needed in surviving many like diseases. I still want to give back for the wonderful help you have given me, so in January I am going to run a full marathon for the Leukemia, Lymphoma society in hope of raising for the now suffering patients who have to go through cancer treatments. I know it will be hard, but compared to dealing with chemotherapy I rather run ten. http://pages.teamintraining.org/nyc/miami10/azagami

Runners run forward, never away.
- Anthony Zagami"

thank you as always for your support of me and the LLS, and i promise - i will be in touch very soon with more adventures in running!

much love

rox

well that was gross...

that. run. was. disgusting.

the *true* new york city summer has returned this week, bringing with it the thick, moist (yeah, i said it, moist) air we know and detest.

this morning was one of those mornings where i just simply could not drag my butt out of bed. when i did eventually get up my eyes were puffy with sleep and i wasn't feeling so hot. that left me with skipping the day or running in the evening. we just installed our AC and changing into my running clothing in the refrigerated air was a terrible tease, for when i stepped outside it was like getting hit with a wall of heat, causing me to whimper a bit.

i opted for the 3.8 mile route and i felt it all. there were occasional breezes that helped relieve the heat a bit but damn - i've been so spoiled so far! the run felt so much more laborious and heavy. and the worst is actually when you stop running and suddenly the sweating kicks in. i was on my deck stretching and drinking water and was completely dripping. uuuugh.

i'll be back out in jersey this weekend - i wasn't sure if i would run long because everyone else is running a race this weekend but yes. coach jim says i can add another 1-1.5 miles, so we're talking in the 9-9.5 mile range. ideally i would be running somewhere more flat to give the hip a break from the hills, but i haven't found that place yet. i could also, coach said, run in the pool- something i had never thought of. you use a floaty belt thing to keep you up and then you're doing your training in the water (not hot!) without impact, still eating and drinking as you would on a normal long run. i'm not sure i'll try it this weekend...but perhaps in the near future...especially if this stickiness is with us for a while.

today's mileage: 3.8
time run: forgot to time...
season mileage to date: 115.4

it's too hot for runnin' y'all

hello from durham north carolina where its humid as heck and tempuratures are soaring up into the high nineties.

this is, as you can imagine, less than ideal running weather.

last night i decided that it was essential for me to do some running this weekend. i was looking at the schedules and since i got trapped in astoria and missed a long run last weekend, and with all the IT band issues, i was feeling a bit behind. i decided damn the heat, i can do this! i will simply get up early saturday and do my 8 miles and be done with it.

easier said than done my friends, easier said than done.

i forwent wine with dinner, and drank tons and tons of water friday evening. i had finally went out and bought a fuel belt yesterday because i figured that no matter how short or long i was running, down in this hot hot land i was going to need to carry water with me. i made a peanut butter 'n' honey sandwich which i packed up in a baggie and put near our bed so i could get up early, chug some water and go back to sleep. i always need to eat about 2 hours before i run, and we'd been doing so much running around getting read for the guests saturday that getting up before 6 just was too painful. so my plan was to:

go to bed by midnight
wake up at 6 - eat sandwich, drink water
get up at 7:30 - get dressed, fill water bottles, etc
get out the door by 8 to "beat the heat"

my plan first went awry when we got to bed closer to 1am. this made me wimper to myself a bit. we were working on pulled pork, some cakes, and mint julep for the next day and things, as usual, took a little longer than expected. good sleep was then thwarted by having to pee almost every hour throughout the night - clearly i had over hydrated a bit. the eating of the sandwich went fine but when i finally got out of bed at 7:30 i knew immediately that i was going to have peanut butter heartburn. uuuuuug. i popped two tums and hoped for the best.

i walked out of the house into the warm, moist air. at first it didn't feel so terrible but as soon as i left the confines of the shady lane that my man's family lives on and one little sunbeam hit me, i felt the magnitude of the warmth and the sweating began.

i had mapped out a little 4.5 mile route and my plan was to do two of these loops. except it was hot. and i was melting. and it was only 8am! i tried to talk myself out of the grumbling but the heat was impossible to ignore. sweat dripped from everywhere. in less than 5 minutes the back of my neck was coated and my pony tail was soon damp. i was hot and miserable but still determined (this was probably...15 minutes into my run).

and then i got lost.

i got lost in hilly territory with a vauge sense of where i needed to go and not many people out on the road to ask directions. no cell phone. i tried to navigate by my wits and succeeded in running down two dead ends, the second of which was up a hill. i swore and turned around and down another road. finally there was a lady on a walk! i asked how to get back to the main drag and she told me to go straight. oooooof course.

i had planned out a bigger loop but as i got to where i could turn back to my boyfriend's...i couldn't go on. i was drenched through, ridiculously hot and miserable. i promised myself that i would run a bunch of longer-ish runs this week to make up for it but there was no way i was continuing on. the heat had sucked the energy right out of me.

i got back and my boy, bless his heart, asked if i had done my 8 miles. i just laughed and started chugging cold water. red-exercise-face was in full effect, more a terrible shade of purple than red. i stayed a good deep pink a good 20 minutes beyond my shower and knew that if i was going to attempt running in this heat again, 6am was going to be necessary.

the saddest thing was when i mapped my run, which i thought to be about 4.5 miles, it was only 3.5. ~sigh~

today's mileage: 3.5
time run: 45m
season mileage to date: 58.3

hot hot heat

i went to bed grumpily and got a good amount of sleep but still woke not feeling very...springy. it seemed to have cooled off as i walked up to the park, but i noticed that the head was definitely there when you were in the sun.

as i thought, we were supposed to run 6 miles. i decided i would do the 5 mile loop, and then depending on how i was feeling when i got back to the start, i'd perhaps tack on that last mile. it was a quiet weekend, with a lot of people being outside of town, and i decided to run solo since i feeling anti-social.

it wasn't as hot as it could be but it was still warm enough for me to have a semi-uncomfortable run (i can't even fathom running long in this heat!). the other thing is that the pollen was out in full force - so between the heat and the pollen, the breathing was a bit labored for sure.

i totally took off a bit too fast, which did not help me at the end. i was definitely done at mile 5, thankful for the bottle of water and the break. when i got back to the apartment, i had the scariest scary exercise face i have seen in while...i mean RED. wah wah wah. i think i am going to have to suck it up and get the ole water belt this season. i have not been awesome about hydrating in past seasons but i think running in the heat i'm going to have to be much much better, lest i get heat stroke and pass out or something embarrassing...

today's mileage:: 5.0
time run: 55 minutes
season mileage to date: 15.0

the sweet smell of fear...

i'm supposed to run 6 miles tomorrow and i'll be honest. i don't want to.

i'm beat, grouchy, exhausted - no, not just exhausted but exhausted as hell! ~sigh~

i'm debating to run 5...not 6...but i think i'll just have to see how it goes tomorrow. i know it will be do-able, it will just hurt, and i'm feeling wimpy.

~sigh~

~sigh~

~sigh~

i am glad to be back though and i will be running a few times this weekend, not just for my body but for my psyche too - it has some steam that needs letting off.

here i go again on my own

a belated post. sorry its taken so long - i *did* run this weekend, i've just been hard at work on a site that we're trying to get launched for work so i've been a little mentally exhausted to focus.

the original plan for the weekend was to run the bronx 1/2.

then i decided because i am going away this morning AND the bronx is really far AND the race started at 8, that i would run on my own on saturday afternoon.

THEN saturday i had to work and it was supposed to rain, and so, on sunday my plan changed again and in the early afternoon i set out to run 15 miles in prospect park.

while getting up early to run is a pain, there is absolutely something to be said for getting it done early, especially when it is a long run. it is at least 3 times harder to get out there later in the day. especially when that day is going to turn cold and windy. but get out there i did.

around 1 i finally set out with the goal of running 3 5-mile loops. i looked like some sort of geeky-super-hero, sporting my friend's fuel belt equipped with two water bottles and the front pocket stuffed with two chocolate powergels. yuuuum. i modeled for my roommate who, despite giggles said that there was no doubt that i looked like a serious runner.

i opted for some spoon on the ipod, and nearly had a heart attack when three songs in, my ipod froze. i managed to revive it and continued on, trying to loosen up my calves which were feeling rather tight, especially on the flat parts. i made it around the base of the park, and turned left on wellhouse to run the repeat that would turn the 3.4 mile loop into a 5. as i turned back to the main loop, the music stopped again.

i thought it was another crash, but i was dismayed to find i was the power. i was music-less 3 miles into a 15 mile run. i simultaneously wanted to throw a temper-tantrum and cry, but instead i gritted my teeth, clenched my jaw and ran on.

it took me that whole first loop to really find my groove, and i really didn't have enough water for that distance run, but i made due. i really really really don't like the flat part of the park in the back, it bores me to tears. the thought of having to run that strip made me a little depressed but i tried to just break the whole thing down into 3 chunks and not think of the big miles.

loop number 2 was better - the chocolate power gel definitely helped big time, giving me a nice sugar rush that probably lasted a good 3-4 miles. my muscles were much looser, and i didn't feel so heavy on my feet as the first loop. as i was finishing my 2nd loop, it looked like the fog was rolling in...strange...but no. it was a snow squall.

right then the wind whipped up nice and strong, pushing me every-which-way at any given moment. ug. i had the last of my water, another gel (managing not to get it all over my face) and headed back out for a final loop. by the time i reached where i should turn to make it a 5 mile loop, i had decided simply - no. way. i would run 4 not 5 by running back to my house but there was no way in hell i was turning into the wind for that last lower loop. it was a good decision - as it was, running up the big hill (i need to find out the name of it) was absolutely ridiculous. i felt like a cartoon character running hard and gettin' no where fast.

i was exhausted but proud when it was all said and done. 14 miles is not easy under the best of circumstances, but especially without company, an ipod, enough water and gel. yeah. i'm tough. or stubborn. whatever.

today's mileage: 14.0
season mileage to date: 138.5

fate intercedes

i hit the gym yesterday to take on the treadmill once again. i really can't wait until it's light out, because i've been forbidden by quite a few people that love me dear that i *will* not run in prospect park by myself in the dark. i hear you people! fine!

this leaves me with either getting up in the morning or going to the gym. the former has been a challenge with the weather and i'm trying to get back into the habit. but yesterday gym it was.

and of course there were no treadmills. ~sigh~. i had somewhere to be so i was forced to work on the elliptical machine. boooo. this is probably not such a bad thing, considering less impact for my quad, but well, boooo anyway.

i haven't done the elliptical since way back in the day when i was having IT band issues. and man, is it *boring*. boring boring boring. even putting it on the interval setting didn't make it less dull.

i toughed out 4 miles worth flicking back and forth between the pinback album and the heath-ledger-media-shitshow. (yeah, i try to keep it pg but the vultures really make me angry. especially when i think of that poor kid.)and you know what? my quad still hurt this morning.

boooo.

wednesday's mileage:4.0
mileage to date:80.7

sprints. oof.

tonight was my first tuesday practice of the season. D (my pal from work that is running paris too) and i left a little before 6, trucked acorss canal and she headed to manhattan practice, and i to brooklyn.

what a pain the r train was. i was in the station by a little after 6 and the train did not come for another 15 minutes. grrr. and there i though i was going to be early. couple that wiht the fact that the meeting spot is four lengthy blocks to the park...and i made it up there to catch the tail end of warm ups. double grrr.

my quad was definitely feeling rather tight, and i attemped to stretch while coach lisa gave us the work out.

basically, lisa would stand in the middle of a stretch, luis at the end. first we would run what i will call a "lap" - to luis, and back to the start easy. then each time we'd do it again, we'd run with effort level 4 to lisa/the middle, recover to luis, level 4 to lisa, recover to the start. repeat.

basically you are sprinting and recovering. effort 4 is just less than a full out sprint. and pretty much just when you think you are going to throw up or maybe pass out, you get to catch your breath. then you do it again...and again...until they tell you to stop.

and so i did. i was nerous about how all the pounding was going to affect my quad, and lisa and luis - both being good coaches - asked how it was doing. at the beginning, it actually felt pretty good. i was focusing on my arm swing, and felt semi-fast (ps - if you haven't sprinted in a while. you should. makes you feel kid-ish again.) for a change. luis remarked as i hauled on by that it seemed that i could still push on it a bit. i grinned.

i made it through the warm up + 5 sprint laps before the pain started to set in. i debated stopping there, but managed to squeek another full lap out and then jogged over to the coaches and said "now i hurt!" i dismissed myself and they agreed. i took off down the hill to bag watch, and the impact at that point was rather...ouchie. stretched properly and came home and iced, and now i'm feeling kinda okay, but i think i might just go see team in training's favorite physical therapist this week.

stay tuned!

today's mileage: 7.0
season mileage to date: 66.2

a difficult decision

so the week after the bad-15, i was in a bad way.

the strange thing was, that i knew that even though i had been having bad runs, and even with the shin splints, i could get myself through the marathon one way or another.

but i didn't *want* to struggle through my second marathon. i didn't struggle through the first one, and i sure as hell didn't want to do worse at the 2nd one than the first. i wanted to improve, to be a better, stronger runner; i wanted to finish san diego in 4 hours and 30 minutes. i wanted to feel great at the end. for me, since i had finished the first feeling fantastic, there would be no glory, no sense of elation in "just finishing" because i knew that i could do that.

and for a few days after that run, i was miserable thinking about how it was going be, and so disappointed in the way the season turned out. and then i had a thought. and when it popped into my head, my shoulders on down to my toes heaved a sigh of relief.

i could drop down to the 1/2 marathon in san diego.

along with the sigh of relief came the countering thoughts of "you're gonna let everyone down", "remember why you are doing this!", "don't be a wuss - you know you can do it" and "stop being a baby and just run." and so for a few days i hemmed and hawed over what to do. i was a ball of stress, between this decision looming over my head, insanely busy at work (ex: working until 3am one night getting some brochures out) and fundraising-captain responsibilities for the fall season kicking in. i talked to sk8 about it - we're very alike in the "i-hate-to-be-wussy" sort of way - and so i knew that she'd be a good judge of my decision. the conversation was a while ago, but her general response to me worrying about being a wimp was "shut up."

i felt better. and i mulled some more.

finally, on friday of that week, i decided (in my head - i didn't make it official until monday), that i was only going to run the 1/2. i still have mixed emotions about it, but i know from the stress that has evaporated that it is the right decision, and for the most part i feel good about it. i'm sad a bit that i will not have pushed myself to run the full now, but hopefully i made a smart decision in letting my shins heal a bit more so that i can keep running through the summer. and on the positive side, i am really excited to be able to cheer in the rookie and the other first timers i've been mentoring at the finish line.

mostly though, while i'm not one who "cares what people think" in the traditional sense of the phrase, i hope that i haven't let you down too much.

i'm okay (really)

i'm sorry, i realize that i've left a lot of you hanging, possibly worried about me and my shins.

after the walk of shame incident on the west side highway, i was pretty beat down, primarily confidence wise. i had been dealing with the fact that i pretty much wasn't running at all during the weeks, to save myself for saturdays...and when i couldn't run that saturday i felt, frankly, like crap.

that week i stretched and moped and stretched and moped. i saw the best concert i'd seen in years (arcade fire way up in sk8's neighborhood), and we had the fall season kick off. work was gearing up for a huge deadline on the 24th and i was more or less feeling more and more overwhelmed and nervous. you'd think at some point i'd get used to being so busy, but every now and again the stress induces things like...crazy dreams of escape and conflict that leave me sitting up in bed at 3 am with my heart racing.

as i type this, i'm conscious that i sound like a big baby, but i've always been honest with you all about whats going on so i've gotta continue right?

anyway, when saturday rolled around it was time to try to run again. this was may 12th if anyone is counting. we were in the park, and i was going to try to do 18 - 20. i was petrified and not feeling optimistic but i tried to "think positive". bah. we got to practice a little bit late, so i was one of the last to head out into the park.

it was a gorgeous day, the one of the first truly warm ones, i started off with a few girls, but decided to hold back and let them go on ahead so that i wasn't pushing too hard. i was pleasantly surprised that the shins didn't hurt too bad off the bat, and that improved my mood considerably. the one thing that was strange was i was feeling particularly winded. i wasn't sure if it was because i hadn't been running as much or maybe the humidity, but breathing was, for the first time in months, a bit laborious. i ignored it and pressed on.

the first loop was not bad, not great, but not bad. i felt a big sluggish but was happy i wasn't in pain. i stopped to stretch every time i got water, and that was doing nothing for my time, but i tried not to think about any time pressures. the second loop, as usual, was much better as my legs got more loose and i fell into a rhythm to arcade fire's funeral. 12 miles...done. one more loop.

we had started at 90th street this week so i headed north, past 102nd transverse, and around the backside of the park. this is where it started unraveling. somewhere in the middle of harlem hill, i think i hit a mini-wall. now, lucky as i am, i don't think that i ever "hit the wall" in my first marathon. there was no point where my body was screaming at me to stop. i mean, it would have been happy to, but i blessedly got a 2nd wind around mile 18 that took me through to 22/23 and from there on i was on an elated auto-pilot. there was no *way* i would have stopped.

so it was much to my surprise when, in the middle of this hill that i've run a million times, i totally ran out of energy and had to walk. it was as if someone unplugged me and even my very stubborn brain couldn't make my legs motor up that hill. i swore at myself in an effort to get myself going, but for once my body was stronger than my mind and i resigned myself to walking the last bit of the hill. i so didn't feel like a superhero that day.

i started running again after the hill, but it was hard going...my legs started tightening up, and my shins started wincing a bit and i felt atrocious. when i saw the west side of the 102nd street transverse, i grudgingly decided to listen to the yelling of my body and cut the run 1t about 15 miles.

it was a good decision. i had to stop and walk again about 5 minutes later for no apparent reason and i was feeling appropriately embarrassed and cranky about it. i saw two gals from the season who asked if i was okay, i muttered "yeah, shin-splints." and kept walking. grrrr. after a few minutes i started running again and made it back to bag watch finally. i was moderately relieved to find that i was by no means the only person that was having a terrible run that day. someone mentioned that the pollen count was ridiculously high and it was more humid than any otehr runs we've had, and given the problems breathing i had been having, i was content to let those be factors that had impeded my run.

the next day i woke up extra sore and tender - my back hurt, my shins, despite icing, were very unhappy with me, and i felt sniffly, likely because of all the pollen. given the appearance of the mini-wall, i was also not feeling great about running a marathon in three weeks...ug.

a bit broken

yes, i am referring to myself. not out-of-the-game-broken, but broken enough to think doubtfully.

saturday we were supposed to do a 18 - 20 mile run. because the revlon breast cancer walk was in the park, we were running down the westside from 72nd street, around the point of manhattan, up to e.10th street and back. it should have been a great run - it was sunny and the perfect temp., and a nice, flat, out-and-back run.

but it was not to be. as the rookie and i took off, those steps induced shooting pains up the front of my leg, so much so that i stopped and walked for a moment directly. rook asked if i was okay, and i said, um, no, maybe...and we started running again and it hurt so that i was running very slowly and tenderly. while my shin-splints had been "uncomfortable" (as ramon would say) in the past weeks, they hurt. i told the rookie to go on, because i was going to have to go pretty slowly for the first bit until they loosened up.

i coulndn't imagine running 5 miles, never mind 18, feeling the way i was. i loped along, waiting for the pain to ease up. usually with in a few minutes, the pain/discomfort eases up, and then after a few miles slowly starts going away. this time, not so much. a mile down, and still no relief. in fact, my whole left leg started to tighten up, kind of compensating for the lack of help coming from my shin. ug. i stopped to stretch my calves and saw some tnters who asked if i wanted them to wait. i said no, not knowing how it was going to go.

i started up again, and then stopped and walked. i went about three feet in the other direction and then turned around and started "running" again. i growled at myself to keep going, it would get better. i stopped a little farther down again at a boat dock that had a bathroom, grabbed water and stretched my calves again. i started out again...running for another five minutes before i swore at myself and stopped to walk. i repeated the start back and then try again routine. but i could feel a limp and turned around for a very cranky cranky walk back to 72nd street. if we had been in the park i might have kept at it despite the pain, but since we were doing an out and back, i didn't want to end up stranded at battery park not being able to walk/run back.

i was talking about it with a running friend today and when i told her that, she said, "oh yeah, its like the walk of shame." and that's exactly what it was, but there was almost more shame. walking, not running, not biking, in the wrong direction, with a sullen and disappointed face. not a pretty picture at all.

i saw rand & his brother with spencer and they asked what was wrong. i grumpily told them the dumb shin-splints and kept walking. i was a jumble of negative emotions. feeling like i should have kept going, wondering if i should have tried to ignore it longer, feeling worried about not getting the run in, that the shin-splints weren't going to go away, and what if they don't go away for the marathon? i don't know if i could do it. feeling angry because i hadn't been as good about yoga and stretching this past week, and being ferociously mad at myself.

today's mileage: 1.5*
total mileage to date: 150.3

*does not count the 1.5 miles walked back, only the first actual running leg of the trip.

the week in review

so between last saturday and this saturday there was no running. just stretching.

despite the stretching, the shins have been very very ouchie. walking downstairs has been especially painful, despite all the stretching. i should have been cross-training, but that means 6:30am spin classes or 7am yoga classes, and i'm not sure if it's because i've been really busy but general laziness but there was no cross-training in marathonville this week.

i even went so far as not to go to practice on wednesday, and you know i never miss practice. we're in hill training, and the thought of thumping my shins around made me queezy and so i didn't even run.

usually i would feel really guilty about this but i'm hurting - or, as ramon says, uncomfortable enough that this didn't really bother me this week. i was hoping for some relief on saturday morning. we had a big run ahead of us, over the george washington into a very hilly park on the jersey side of the hudson.

it's a hard knock life.

okay not really, but i'm in a whiny mood.

the short version of why is that all week we've been working really hard on a major project. i was at work late on wednesday, thursday and last night, last night i was there until 11:30. and to add insult to injury, i had a ticket to the mos def show at BAM. !agony! ~sigh~ etc.

so by the time i got to bed it was midnight. and i had to get up this morning and run. and i had to get up earlier because i didn't wash my hair yesterday and it was that gross. and i was on call to go back to work at 11 to finish up said project. whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiney roxie ensues! and i almost called in sick (yes mentees, even your mentors have days that they just don't feel like running).

but as always, once i was at the park (thanks to another mentor i got a ride - whoo hoo!) and the cold wore off, i was glad i went. running is such a stress relief, especially once you get past getting nervous about it. beginners were running 4, intermediates, 6 and advanced, 8. EIGHT? woah. even though i am technically advanced, my brain still screams beginner. luckily for me and my mood, i could run with the beginners guilt-free because this is still the time in the season where we are not so concerned with our own training as with the newbies.

the run was cake, which is a nice reminder that i am still in shape-ish even though my brain tells me otherwise. ran with some new peeps and then with sk8 for a while. one of the things i like about bringing people to tnt is that when you're running, you actually have qt with your friends twice a week. in a place like nyc, that is so so rare.

after the run, i called into work and disaster. all our work, or like 90% of it, was for nothing because of an error of a third-party company. so concert missed for nothing. work stress all week for nothing. and we get to work on monday. grrrr. good thing i like my job and this is a-typical.

better news was i didn't have to work *today*, so i was able to go to brunch with v & b's mentee groups. met some cool people and then met with the marathon coordinator to go over the stuff for the fundraising clinic that we're holding on tuesday.

i totally deserve a nap.

today's mileage: 4.0
season mileage to date: 7.3

red wine is not a good carbo-load

last night, charlotte, my sister and i went to my favorite italian joint to carb-up. unfortunately, it is a lot of people's favorite italian joint, and by the time we got there, we had an hour and a half wait in front of us. fortunately, they have a wine bar next door where we could wait, keep warm and, of course, drink wine.

we polished off a bottle while we waited and then made the very-wise-decision to have another during dinner. thanks to everything we ate, we weren't very tipsy, however, the bottles made for two very tired little girls that had to run the next day.

we were going to try to meet at the park at 10...which moved to meeting at 10:00...and then to 10:30 thanks to yours truly. ~yawn~ i could *not* get out of bed. i finally got my act together, and met up with char and we groused all the way up to the gym near the park.

we also groused for the first 5 miles of the run. my foot hurts. i hate carrying my water bottle. i'm tired. i shouldn't have had coffee, cause i have to pee. there's too many tourists in the bathroom and there's no toilet paper. i'm cold. how many more miles?

i tried my first chocolate goo, and it tasted kind of like frosting. not bad, but slightly disturbing.

for all the complaining, it wasn't so bad. we were running 10, so we decided to run a full loop and then a middle. that way when we got back to where we started we'd be more than 1/2 way done. the strategy worked and the last 4 miles were practically breezy.

after our run, we had an afternoon of decadence. first, the steam room. then, brunch with a friend of ours complete with a shared dish of mac n cheese. yum. finally, a massage at the trusty massage place. aaaah. 'twas good my friends, 'twas very very good.

today's mileage: 10.0
total mileage: 338.4

shin-splint, defeated!

that might be a little too strong but hey, creative license right?

so as i've said, this was certainly not the most successful week as far as training goes. i don't know if it is getting used to the new job, general business, fall malaise, or what but day after day i could not get my butt outside/to the gym to train. the only good thing about not running this week was that my shin-split seems to have retreated. i noticed yesterday when i took the first tentative step down my stairs and for the first time in a month, it didn't hurt. i can't say that i'm sorry to see it go. i'm still icing just in case.

and then i managed to make today's run much harder than it needed to be with a series of Bad Decisions.

1. staying out until 3:45 am thursday morning, given it's my 2nd week of work at syrup. i had solid reasons to be out (the scots were in town, gt treated me to dinner, abbi's b-day/i'm-going-to-mexico-farewell party), but it was still dumb because...
2. no nap on friday. after strugging through the day on 4 hours of sleep, i couldn't leave work at a reasonable hour on friday because syrup had some peeps over to the office. i didn't want to skip the first social event of course, and then there was a necessary trip to brooklyn for my friend lauren's birthday party. skipping was not an option, esp. since she slaved away on my birthday helping me bbq prep.
3. 3 beers, no dinner. we had snacks at the party, and i had maybe 3 mouthfulls of whatever. the beers made me more sleepy than drunk, but duh not eating the night before a long run? plain old dumb.
4. no music because i forgot to charge my ipod.

i was ridiculously tired this morning when i woke up to eat - i did my typical have-some-cereal-at-6-and-then-go-back-to-bed. did i mention too that we are now starting at 8 instead of 8:30 because the new season has begun? gosh, i've been running for a long time. i woke up the 2nd time with time to get the train to the park...and then opted for another 30 minutes of sleep and taking a cab. laZY. it was *so* very worth it though. i even debated skipping practice, but knew the guilt would be overwhelming and it eventually got me out of bed.

i was a little late, and it was cold, but once i was kind of awake i was looking forward to running sans shin splint. we had to do anywhere from 16-18 miles. ramon said if you're not feeling it, you could even do less but that it was now really important to listen to what's going on with our bodies because we could always go long tomorrow. charlotte was going to have to run a race in the middle of our run (so she can qualify for the 07 nyc marathon) so i was extra sad i didn't have my ipod. we were going to have to split up after 5 miles or so, and the thought of running 11 on my own made me want to throw up.

fortunately for me (although not for him) handsome is battling the same it band issue that drew is. he's not as bad off, and can run, but it's very painful and so ended up running with us today. now send *him* some good vibes, because being injured completely sucks. so the three of us ran for 5 miles, char split off back at 72 to go run the race, and handsome & i ran 12 together. i think even though we were going slower than handsome's usual pace, the starting pace (where i'm usually extra extra slow) was a little faster than where i usually am. i was nervous about this at first but figured it wasn't a bad time to see since i didn't have high hopes for the run anyway given how tired i was.

it was good to catch up and handsome is funny so he's an entertaining running partner for sure. he decided to call it at 12 and go talk to our coach, which was very very smart, given what i know about it bands. so then i only had to do 4 with no music and no company, which was feasable.

except i totally ran out of gas. it's really what it felt like. by the time i got to the top of the hill after demps turned at 72nd st, i was exhausted. i wasn't sore, or out of breath, i just had next to no energy. those 4 miles were *so* slow. i really felt like i was never going to get to the end at points, but i just tried to people watch and deal with it. one more goo and some water leftover from the race, and i was feeling okay but not great.

i ended up finishing right on track for time, which probably meant the first 12 were faster than the last 4 but that's okay by me. the only thing that hurt on me were my feet because i still need new shoes and we were doing big distances on pavement for the first time in a while. and despite the last 4 miles, considering the Bad Decisions, i felt like i did okay. but i'm considering all this "lessons learned" and i'm determined to be very strict for the rest of the month.

because that's all there is to go. one. month. of. training.

i'll save that freakout for another post.

today's mileage: 16.0
total mileage: 266.5

worst. run. ever.

prepare yourself for a lotta whining.

since i've been trying to kick a nasty cold, i thought that today i would do my short run, and tomorrow i would do my long run. this week, since we did 16 last week, i only had to do 12 miles, so i thought that 2 loops in the park tomorrow evening would be fun (and smart). then, since i've had this dumb shin splint that won't go away on my left leg that i'm paranoid about, i thought, why not give my body a break from the pavement, and do the 3-4 miles on the treadmill.

damn treadmill and damn legs.

i started off at a faster pace than usual, which probably wasn't wise since i haven't run since wednesday and, being sick, have been doing a lot of laying around. i was aiming for an 11 minute mile and after one at that pace, my RIGHT leg, the one without the shin splint, betrayed me and my calf totally cramped up, which hasn't happened in months. argh. i slowed down to my typical pace but it felt so bad that i had to stop.

i probably could have completed the miles very painfully, but i remembered ramon saying one day, if your body is refusing, then the benefits may not outway the hurt by keeping going. plus i still need to do my 12 tomorrow, which needs to go well or, well, i will just be very discouraged.

so i grouchily stopped and got a good long stretch in. and made my way home. i'm icing my shin as i write. i don't even want to admit the mileage but i will. it shouldn't even count, it's so sad and pathetic. i guess i should be happy that my cough seems to be disappating, but if you don't mind, i'm just going to sulk for a little bit.

today's mileage: 1.5
total mileage: 194.6

it's rainy, i'm sick and our second "test" is tonight

its pouring outside, and my cough came back last night with a vengence. i suppose it might have been the whisky (just one!) that i had last night in celebration of the dems taking the house.

last time we had a test, i had my itb injury so i couldn't run so fast. now this time, i won't be able to breathe. ~grumble~ i've got my cranky pants on today. here's what we're going to do at practice, courtesy ramon of course. i'm hoping the rain's gonna stop before then.

We will start with a really slowly warm-up by running west and south to lamppost W6401 (just south of Tavern on the Green, same spot where we started the TEST#1). There you'll see an `S' (stands for Start) written on the ground, and that's our Starting point. We'll regroup there and start the groups in 30-60 seconds intervals. The Mile goes from Lamppost W6401 , the `S' around the sound end of the park, north on the east side up to East 72nd street. (there's `1 mile' mark written on the ground) Don't worry, one of the coaches will be there to mark the Start end End. You'll run from the S to the 1 Mile mark at a `good speed' (we'll cover that ) and then recover, really slow running across 72nd street and south to the Start. (basically you'll run lower loop) YOU all will run 3 loops.

just as tired and sore.

i managed to get out of bed this morning to run. i could tell before i got out of bed that i was still sore, so i knew it wasn't going to be pretty.

oh yeah - the first few blocks i really felt like i was hobbling more than jogging. ache of the day was my right IT band. your IT band is on the outside of your hip and leg. the first day i remember ramon telling us that we must stretch it always, especially the women, because we are more prone to tightness and we can get "discomfort". indeed. it's not a shooting pain exactly but definitely something that twinges and reminds you that it's there.

ironically, i definitely put more effort in to go less miles and probably took more time, e3? mmm no. maybe e2.5.

time for work...

today's mileage: 3.43
total mileage: 59.77

grousing and grumbling

just in case you think i cheerily hop out of bed each morning, naturally caffeinated and ready to run miles and miles with a smile on my face...i'm going to burst your bubble.

the real routine is something quite different.

my alarm rings, usually finding its way through my vivid early-morning dreams as a car alarm, a very loud telephone or something similarly annoying to the ear. i sluggishly reach up to my alarm clock, smack the snooze button and sleep for another blissful nine minutes. ~grumble~ i slide the alarm off and this is the danger zone. if i fall back asleep now...there is no alarm set and i will be very late. and so i talk myself out of bed...OKAY, GET UP NOW. i don't wanna. i'm tired...just a few more minutes. NO WAY. DO NOT CLOSE YOUR EYES AGAIN. UP, UP NOW. no.[pulls covers over head]YES.[kicks covers off]but it's gonna be hot out, and did i mention i'm tired and it's going to hurt and i'm going to get red-exercise face and run into someone i know. ITS NOT THAT HOT, YOU SLEPT OVER 8 HOURS, YOU'LL GET OVER IT, AND WHO CARES WHAT YOUR FACE LOOKS LIKE. YOU GOT RUNNING TO DO!

and if all rationale fails, i think about why i'm doing this in the first place and i'm no longer welded to the sheets.

that's pretty much how it went this morning, and once i was out there, as usual i was happy that i was. i pushed it a little today - my calf was still bothering me although not as much, and i decided to tough it out and go down to the brooklyn bridge and back. the miles put me over 50 in total since august 12th. crrrrrazy.

i hit a zone on the way back from the bridge. when you're running by yourself, there is only you and your thoughts. okay, maybe some music, but i don't have that going on yet. once you run a certain route a number of times, while there's always some changes, your brain tunes it all out and focuses inside. i'm not sure that i've ever spent of had this much time all on my own to think before. i'd like to think i'm a thoughtful person, but when you're running, it's more like the thoughts arrive, and there's less "i'm going to think about X". one topic gracefully leads to the next and it's just...kind of cool.

so today i'm in one of these zones and nearly get hit by a soccer ball that comes flying out of what i've named "the pen" - a smaller, fenced in soccer pitch right on the path. i grabbed the ball and tossed it back in and was rewarded with a round of cheers and thank yous from all the cute soccer boys. it gave the run a little kick and i made it back to the apartment grumble-free. the near-miss was well worth it.

happy labor day everyone.

today's mileage: 4.77
total mileage: 51.79

a grumpy post.

from the moment my alarm blared at me...i knew the day was going to be a little off. you know, one of those days when as soon as you wake up, something is not quite right.

even though i took it easy at the mets game, i was still really tired. it was, after all 6:15, but i just couldn't shake off the sleepiness. i started getting ready and my phone buzzed - my sister wasn't feeling well and so wouldn't be joining me on the run. drat. no sister. no music. very tired. and sore from the previous day's run. today's run would be a test of will power.

the sky was grey, rain threatening - a gloomy morning entirely. a light drizzle, which i might have welcomed other days, only served to make me more cranky. i made my way over to the east river and followed the typical route south. pacing was the hardest part. i couldn't tell if i was going to slow or too fast - i sang quietly to myself to try to keep myself from speeding along to get it all over with. my left knee ached a little and i got scared that i ran too far the day before. i had intended to run down to the manhattan and back, but called it a little earlier at clinton street - the turn-around spot of our first few eastriver runs.

i pushed through and at the end of it was glad that i did. because it wasn't easy, i was grudgingly proud of myself. i decided to stretch at home so i could see how much time the run took (i don't have a watch yet), and it looked like i was running a 14 minute mile, which dissipated my proudness and made me slightly depressed.

i know every day is not going to be easy. and i can't get too hard on myself so early on. i should be pretty happy that i got up at all to run and that i ran over 3 miles despite my poor start. but [grumble] i want to do well ALL the time.

i'll get over it. tomorrow is a day off from running and work, i'll recoup both physically and attitudinally. promise.

today's mileage: 3.43
total mileage; 29.45