made it!!

that's my watch time, not the official time, but i'm pretty sure we're looking at another PR (personal record)! allez allez!


update! PR confirmed!

the k is on the left, the time is on the right.




today's mileage: 26.2
season mileage to date 267.1

PS! the $20,000 in 7 days deadline is tonight! Donate now!

san diego marathon: the race - miles 13.1 - 26.2

(EDITOR'S NOTE: Sorry this took so long. The telling of the tale is better for the wait though, promise.)

as ramon said, it was starting to get warm. the sun was not yet out, but you could feel the tempurature rising. i was feeling more and more settled in my run, my shin splints not showing up to play, and as nervous as i was, i was now kind of...excited. i'm not sure if it was the pep talk or because there was no turning back, but suddenly i felt optimistic. this *was* possible. more or less.

at mile 14 they had salt packets and i thought that i should pretty much do anything that could possibly safe-guard against any sort of obstacles (that included but were not limited to dehydration, hyponatremia, reoccurrance of shin splints, and hitting the wall). i grabbed a packet and washed it down with a little water. the accelerade was disgusting, so i thought this was a smart move to keep the electrolytes in balance. yummy.

soon after i saw one of our training captains, ross. he ran with me for a bit and offered me more salt (no thanks!), and reiterate the importance of hydration. soon after...mile 15. it think that around mile 15 mentally is pretty tough in a marathon, because you've already run a great distance, but you still have another 11+ to go. i just kept truckin. the crowds kept me going. the adrenaline that i was actually doing it kept me going. remember...i didn't have any music so it was just me, myself and i. every once in a while i would see another tnter out there and we would exchange a hello and a wave and keep on keeping on. we ran through a little neighborhood where a family band was playing classic rock and the kids were handing out orange slices. i was still feeling good when i arrive at mile 16 right around the bay...and gleefully thought "only 10 more miles!!!" as another band crooned the same, changing up yet another bad cover.

mile 16 brought us to the bay for a bit and the sun was breaking through the clouds. before i knew it we were approaching the powergel station at mile 17 (another one down, feet don't fail me now!). they had every single kind (hooray!) and i grabbed another double latte flavor (my favorite! 2x caffine + 4x sodium!), knowing i'd probably need another kick at the end.

indeed it was getting hotter. at each water station i began getting two cups of water, one to drink and one to dump in my hat. mile 18 wound through what seemed like the more...young/collegiate section of town. it was still earlyish (probably around 10?) and there were tons of people out drinking and enjoying the marathon spectacle from their yards and decks. one guy was so rowdy and tossing beer around that i actually felt a little nauseous because i got a huge whiff of cheap beer. ewe. banners, balloons, silly string, music...in fact sweet child o' mine, which was one of my *favorite* songs for a moment in time somewhere around 1988. i smiled, thinking of my mom who often remembers me shushing her in the car when this song was on so i could sing at the top of my lungs.

mile 19...and a little way in...brooke! yay! brooke was a mentor with us for the season but was injured early on and wasn't able to run the event. but she was still out there cheering for us. i spotted her shouting for another tnt person and realized it was her and shrieked! she shouted, dropped her bag and sign and ran with me for at least 1/2 a mile. it was really great to see someone at that moment, becauase i had been on my own for so long and a friendly face and some chatter was a great distraction.

it felt like just after i left brooke, and after a kinda gross bridge hill, and there was steve, the "young coach" at mile 20! he was on his phone and i waved frantically "i gotta go," he said with a big smile, "roxie just got here!" i smiled back and he said "okay, if you feel as good as you look, i am not going to worry about you at all."
"i do have a good game face."
"you look great, seriously, i don't know how but you do!"
"i'm not asking questions, just going and going!"
"okay so, here's how the rest of the course is going to go. in a few miles you'll see lisa so keep an eye out and then there's one more little hill-"
"bigger than the one i just ran up?"
"no! compared to this one that one is-"
"an incline?"
"exactly! so then after that there's a bit of a down and back, and don't get freaked out when you see the people coming back towards you, just think that you'll be coming back in that direction soon, it's not that long-"
"okay, down and back, easy easy."
"and then you're just about done."
"okay okay, i can do this."
"i am *so* proud of you roxie, just stay hydrated you're going to be fine!"

he patted me on the arm and i was off again!

the next few miles were kinda gross...off the main roads, there was no more june gloom and the sun was beating down on us, making it really hot and there was no shade in sight. i could definitely feel the heat and dumped a cup of water right on my head this time. i saw a porta-potty with no line and figured i'd better pee while the peeing was good. some people were out with a cooler of beer and i saw a guy run past, then change his mind and go back for one, and for a moment i wished i was that hard core.

somewhere in there was the mile 21 marker...no sign out there...and then yay! mile 22 - a little over 4 miles! less than an hour! even if i was going slowly! i could see the little down and back steve had told me about. there was great music blasting from a radio, tons of people, then a pretty good band, and a guy with a hose spraying it in the air. i dont't think it could have gotten better than that in that moment. i ran directly under the hose and cooled off some more.

i guess you're wondering how i was feeling physically, and really, the answer is oddly good. my feet definitely were bearing the brunt of the pain - part of marathon training is actually getting your feet used to all those miles, and i think they were suffering the most for my lack of running. my shins were fine. my back was a little tense but the man with the big signs that said "relax your shoulders!!" kept inspiring me to draw my shoulders back and keep my arms and hands from tensing up. i was really good about trying to conserve as much energy as possible and being as good to my body as possible, "behaving" as ramon says. not charging up or down hills, drinking tons of water, taking gels promptly, saying loose and remembering to breathe.

the next friendly face was lisa, the brooklyn coach. her face was shocked - happy, but shocked probably 1) to see me so soon and 2) and to see that i wasn't a crashing, broken-down runner.

"roxie! - what the hell!!?"
"i know! i know!"
"what are you doing here so soon!?"
"i don't know!"
"seriously, you're looking great?! how do you feel?"
"i feel okay actually!"
"well, we're still not going to be publishing your training plan."
"yeah, i mean, honestly, i don't know how but i think it's gotta be bouv watching over me a little bit because you and i both know i should not be doing this well!"
"aweeeeeeee don't make me cry now."
"haha"
"roxie, wait, what was your time in phoenix??"
"5:11"
"do you know what time it is?"
"no...i decided to run without my watch."
"wow! good for you well, don't get too excited but by my watch i've got 4:22!!"
at this point i emitted a high-pitched sound that's probably akin to one of a wounded animal but was all excitement, and i'm not going to try to type it. use your imagination.
"okay, maybe i shouldn't have told you that!"
"pr! a pr?!"
"okay roxie, just keep doing whatever it is you're doing, only a few more miles to go, and before you know it you're going to see ramon with that damn cow-bell."
"thank you lisa! you're the best!"
"kick ass girl! see you at the finish!!"

lisa ran me just about to the mile 23 marker and ran to chat with another participant. and now, visions of pr's (personal records) danced in my head. a pr!? i was on the road to a pr? i laughed a little hysterically to myself. whether or not i made it, i was high off the fact that after all the stress and struggle and decisions of the last two weeks, going back and forth, agonizing over making what was, i think, at the time a wise decision not to run, to my emotionally-driven lunacy in deciding to go for it...and here i was, about 3 miles away from the finish, not feeling horrible, and possibly going to run this marathon in record time. a shit-eating grin that could almost match bouv's pretty much stayed plastered to my face for the rest of the run.

mile 24...2+ to go! less than 30 minutes! i think for me, this is the other difficult part of the race. you are so tired, and yet so happy you have so little left to go that you're trying to run fast, and yet, you're body is not really cooperating...well, at least mine wasn't. the closest thing i can equate it to is in a dream-state when something is chasing you and no matter how much effort you are putting in you are running as though you're in slowmotion or quicksand. i gritted my teeth and focused on my arm movement...nice and light...if your arms are moving your legs are moving, one step at a time, focus on the crowds, cheer for other tnt folks and there it is...mile 25.

1.2 miles!! if i had the energy i might have leaped for joy. instead i had a glass of water. much like in the last marathon, i took these final moments to think about why i had gotten myself here.

i thought about bouv, and how he was probably really laughing his ass off this time at my stubbornness. i know, i just know that he was there with me that whole race, a little angel on my shoulder. i really have little to know explanation of how i could have made it otherwise. you can give me the "you're stronger than you think" bit, and how the rest probably did me good, mind over body and the amazing properties of adrenaline, and i might agree with you to a degree. but even if i did "behave" and all the circumstances were lined up just perfectly for me to succeed, what happened out there was a little bit of a miracle and i just simply know bouv was a part of it.

i thought about anthony, the husband of a former co-worker, who is a runner, and recovering from his bone marrow transplant and what he would give to be out running. we're going to be doing a 4-miler together soon - he is so anxious to get back out there and he really wants to run a Team in Training event. He's such an inspiration. I thought about all the stories of friends' parents and friends and cousins, both happy and sad, all the people who have been touched by these blood cancers. i thought about jill, the woman that spoke before our run and about how elating crossing the finish line will be for her. i thought about all of the people that supported me for the first marathon...all 170 of them ;) and how thankful i am to have such a fantastic network of friends new and old behind me. demps, charlotte, sk8, cap, the rookie...all amazing people who play a part in the story...and then there it was!! MILE FREAKING 26!

.2 miles...probably 2 minutes. we approached the military base that was the end of our race. because it was "a secure area" there were guards making sure everyone that was running in had numbers on. i saw a guy who was running with his girlfriend get stopped and pulled off to the side, and while i get it, it made me ~sigh~ to myself. no time for politics now! run run run girl run! crowds of people on the right hand side...people lounging and enjoying post-run beers, families with signs, balloons...and look an archway! the finish....

no. a tease! that's *just* mean. it's funny how the last little bit is so long, i just wanted to GET THERE already. to see ramon with that horribly annoying bell. and there, finally! THE END. bleachers with hoards of cheering people. and ramon!! he came flying to my side ringing that bell like a madman.

for this "conversation" you can just picture me pretty much giggling hysterically throughout while ramon talked...

"look at you!!! you freaking did it!!! i am so FREAKING proud of you, so freaking proud! you behave and look! you here! you finish! you look AMAZING and SMILING. you learn such an important lesson today, you never doubt you-self again, you hear me? never again! and look! look up at the clock! what was you time for arizona!?"
squeeked through giggles "5:11"
"LOOK AT THAT! 4:55 - FREAKING 15 MINUTES PR! PR! you go finish, i am so so freaking proud of you!"

and those words brought me to tears as i finally cross that balloon-studded finish line, rockin' a 4:56:01 on the clock.

the san diego marathon: mid-race pep talk(courtesy of ramon, of course)

i think i might have breathed a sigh of relief once i passed the 1/2 way point. partially because it was half-way over and i was feeling good, and partially because i now knew what my goal was: to run anther goddamn marathon.

at that moment i saw ramon and it was the best thing that could have happened to me. i desperately needed to *tell* someone that i was going to go for it. maybe because in the back of my head i thought someone should be on the lookout for when i broke-my-leg/passed out/collapsed. he was scanning the crowds looking for us and he spotted me. i remember smiling a super dorky smile and waving - kinda chill on the outside to save precious energy but *totally* freaking out on the inside. he came a running and i think the conversation went something like this (editorial note: if you know me AND ramon it's way better. sorry.)

me: (high-pitched)hiiiiii!!!
ramon: (waving and running to my side) what is this!?!?
me: (speaking very quickly) i'm going for it! i'm going for it!!
ramon: you going for it! chu look great, baby! better than first!
me: i'm okay i think right now!!!! we'll see!!!!
ramon: you gonna be fine. djou jus' gonna behave and you take it easy and look for ross and steve and lisa. and djou need a remember stay hydrated cause now is when it start to get hot. you fine! you gonna do great! and i see you at the end!
me: maybe!!! thank you!!!

i continued running and smiled with the thought that with each step, i was closer to the finish than the start.

san diego marathon: the race - miles 0-13.1

the wake-up call was the first to go off.

i had passed out quickly and deeply, and didn't even hear my roommate sneak back in to the room. i knew the alarm was going to go off shortly, so i allowed myself a few minutes to wake up while laying in bed. i managed not to fall back asleep and jumped in the shower.

i was happy i had my clothing all ready...and i started eating my roll with peanut butter and banana and chugging water as i got dressed. L and i ran around the room making sure we had goos and transportation bracelets and phones and hats and water.

as you can imagine, i was a bundle of nerves. i was cursing myself for making my big declaration at the team meeting the night before. why couldn't i just keep my big trap shut and surprise everyone if i was feeling well? nooooooo i had to be all public about it. it was kinda like when i signed up for the marathon originally - i talked about it constantly so that i couldn't back out. i think i was thinking similarly about this...if i told people, i'd have to run.

of course this time was a little different, in that i honestly wasn't sure if i could make it. in my head i still thought about that 13.1 mile escape hatch. we hung out waiting to go to the bus. the producer for the video spotted me and i did a little interview. ramon came over and put his arm around me "baby, if you do well today, i'm going to have to incorporate some of your training tactics." i laughed "yeah well, we'll just see how i feel when i get to 13..." ~sigh~

we finally got on the bus, and spent the ride applying TNT tattoos. it was still dark, and it was a bit misty. we arrived at the park, which, thankfully had more porta-potties than i had ever seen. we found a good spot and everyone dropped their things and began making their first of many trips to the bathrooms.

it was night and day from phoenix, where we barely had time to get ourselves in order before we began. the race was starting at 6:30, and it was only 5:20. so many runners. one woman obviously had been there for a while, had set up a little bed, and was sleeping in a garbage bag.

next was applying sunscreen. even thought it was cloudy, i knew you could still get burned relatively easily, so i lathered on the 30. the nervous energy was certainly palatable. next was the body glide. someone had made a joke about how there are some people who are far too comfortable about putting on body glide in front of others, and yes, my friends, that would be me. chafing was the last thing i wanted to deal with on top of all my other...obstac...er...challenges i would be facing that day. so body glide on every single possible location of friction was the solution. oh yeah.

after a few more trips to the bathrooms, soon it was time to check the bags into the ups trucks. my number had already fallen off so i scrambled for extra pins to refasten it to the rope. some of the trucks had really long lines, but luckily for me not the Ga - Hi truck. i ditched the back, strolled back to the spot to see if i could find the rookie, but only cap and another mentor was left. cap had sent the rookie on his way to make sure he had plenty of time.

i was supposed to be in the 6th corral, which is pretty high for a slowpoke like me but i figured what the hell. i actually spotted the rookie and his roommate right there in my corral, so i maneuvered my way over and we all hung out waiting for the start. there were sooooo many people. a military general (a woman) was playing mc and announced the national anthem, someone sang...and before you knew it, the gun went off and we were all cheering and headed out - walking of course for the first minute or two waiting for things to get moving, and finally at a slow jog.

the first few miles were fine. i was freaking out but it was kind of good to be "back out there" running. my shins seemed to be fine, it was cool, and there were so many runners and even spectators out. the beginning of the course took us by the zoo and balboa park, through downtown, by the water and back north again. this part of the race was about 7 miles. and for just about all 7 miles, i alternately felt great and like crap. at points i thought, sure no problem! and other times, i felt winded, cranky, and tired. we saw the coaches around the 3rd or 4th mile, and they so ridiculously enthusiastically cheer for us, you can't help but smile.

its funny, but the first 8 miles, even with the hemming and hawing, went pretty quickkly. as we approached the 8th mile i was on a downswing, feeling like there was simply no way i could run 26.2 miles today and i would be a complete idiot to attempt it. but then, as we headed back through the main area, and the crowds thickened and they cheered and cheered and there were so many signs thanking team in training...i started to perk up.

my body seemed to finally settle into the run, and with each passing crowd i got more at ease. i began to smile more. running a marathon today seemed less...impossible. between the miles of 8 and 10, the marathon seemed painful but possible. i might have to walk, but it would be possible. there was no way i was going to beat my time, but did that really matter? finishing this thing was reachable.

at mile 10 i finally found a bathroom stop with only one person ahead of me - time to stop. i stretched while i waited and was in and out of there quickly, continuing on. we were on the highway, which was a bit sloped and slanted, but even that wasn't bothering me too terribly. there were some hilarious straight men dressed in bad drag; spectators with banners on the overpasses above us; cheerleading squads galore. and before i knew it i had passed mile 12.

while my brain was nervous, my body still felt great. and for bouv, for anthony, for all the survivors out there, for that 83-year-old womand, for all the people that believed in me the first time around and, because i had faith that i could, at "the moment of truth", when the time came that i could bail out, at the 13.1 mile mark....
i continued on.

san diego marathon: saturday, part 1

saturday morning the whole team met down in the lobby for a 20 minute run together. a bunch of people had been stuck at jfk because of bad weather and i hadn't seen my roommate L yet. after a few minutes, we all headed out the back of the hotel for a quick down and back.

i don't know how to describe event weekend except to equate it to camp. except i've never been to camp, so its what i imagine what camp must be like. there's lots of excitement, and activities and a schedule and rah-rah-rahing. hmm. probably doesn't sound so fun when i put it that way, but it is. after the run, we all went to a grassy knoll to stretch. we were a big crew, and formed a circle, stretching and introducing ourselves and saying where we were from. nashville, italy, england, michigan, california, queens...i love the new york mix.

the next event on the schedule was the pasta party at 1, so jess, me, amanda and her mom went for breakfast, and i went back to the expo with amanda and her mom. they hadn't had the goo that i liked, so i was going back for round 2. the expo was three times as crowded, so i got my goos and ran back to the hotel to get ready to go to the pasta party.

we hopped the shuttle and headed to another convention center for the pasta party with 1/2 of all the tnt participants. as we walked in, we were surrounded by coaches and staff, all joyfully cheering and waving us in with pompoms, streamers signs and their voices. it's one of my favorite moments of the weekend - i snuck peaks at all the first timers, enjoying their touched, smiling faces.

we grabbed our pasta and grabbed seats. after we ate, it was time for the speeches. once again, "the penguin" gave his speech, cracking jokes about how the first timers wouldn't be able to stand tomorrow; letting them know it was okay not to speed through the marathon, to enjoy it because there is only one first; giving them the tips about how to round down their time. he also told us that team in training had raised over $12 million dollars for the LLS for the San Diego marathon alone!! SO amazing.

and then there was the touching one. a woman named jill - a mother of three who worked in a cancer ward. she began by telling a story how there was a group of older women who donated a bunch of knitted caps for the patients in the ward. she gave one to a woman there, and didn't think much about it. the next day, the woman flagged her down. there had been a note in the hat from the woman who had knitted it, who happened to be the woman's mother's best friend: jill's mom! the small coincidences would continue...but not necessarily as happily.

jill had a best friend, also named jill. jill #2 was a runner, and one day she decided to run the san diego marathon with a group called team in training. on the very same day, jill #1 found out that she had stage 3 non-hodgkins lymphoma. the mother of three had only a 30% chance of survival. from that day, both jills began battling, jill #1 with chemo and other treatments and jill #2 her training and fundraising. they fought together, supporting each other, finding strength in each other's fights. jill spoke strongly but with waves of emotion about how cancer robbed her children of their innocence and her husband of his vitality; how wonderful her friends and family were, rallying around them, buying presents for their children for christmas when they were too caught up in illness. the marathon came around, and jill#1 came to the san diego marathon, weak and fatigued, to watch her friend finish the marathon in her honor.

that was three years ago, and today jill is now in remission.

she was back in san diego to run that same marathon she had once been almost too sick to watch, with who else, but her friend jill.

i...am a rockstar.

i haven't time for a full post...but long story short...

i ran all 26.2! without hurting myself! AND I BEAT MY PREVIOUS TIME FOR A PR OF 4:53:53!!!

and i'm still walking.

whole story to come soon, i promise, but honestly, i should have crashed and burned.

i must have someone pretty special looking out for me.

thanks bouv.

today's mileage: 26.2
season mileage to date: 191.1

glutton for punishment

oh good lord did i really just apply for the NYC marathon lottery?



yes, yes i did.

TNT what have you done...(she says with a grin on her face!)

and we have video

even though you have to wait until the very end and if you blink, you will miss. i'm number 11041, and on the right in the very last shot with the jazz hands. enjoy.

i think i said this before...

i've just been a little burnt out, a lot tired, and doing lots of photo editing. in fact, here are some to tide you over...i'll be back with final marathon thoughts soon. i've got a lot of them.

but i haven't abandoned you. promise.

charlotte & me at the pasta party


the nyc chapter of tnt


demps, bo-sox & bouv


the start


isn't that where the party's at? i guess we were just the lucky captive audience


awe they got ballons

the marathon: 13.1 - 26.2 miles

after the high of seeing everyone wore off, my body began to grimace again. the best part was that one of my thighs started to chafe. awesome. i hadn’t really had a problem with the chafage for any of my long runs, but the saturday before, when i was in tennessee, i ran in the rain (chafing is more likely in the rain) and got a patch then. ouuuch. stinging is not a good accessory for marathon running. luckily, the fantastic medics were well prepared and were standing near the 14 mile mark with popsicle sticks coated with with vaseline. aside from sticky hands, i felt better.

charlotte was still feeling great, and for the couple miles or so, i simply tried to put one foot in front of the other and wait for the tightness to wear off. it’s funny though, because even feeling less than great, i couldn’t help but continue to grin and wave back at the crowds. it’s amazing how they keep you going and smiling. around mile 15 we saw another medic station. char suggested we just grab some pain killers (that would be tylenol 8 hour, the official drug of choice of the medic stands). they want to make sure you don’t take too many or you’re getting them just in case, so they ask what’s up and then mark your number to show you already got some good stuff. i was a little out of it at this point, and so when they said “where’s your pain?” i first said “what?” and then they asked again, and i stammered, “uh, my leg!”

well, it was true.

after that it got a little better. my new strategy was to cheer for someone else when i was feeling crappy. i picked out people in lls purple and yelled at them by city, or name or identifying feature. char wanted to use the bathroom, so while i waited, i stretched my calves and cheered at the top of my lungs for everyone going by. and i’ve got some lungs, believe me, it was fun, almost made me feel like i wasn’t 10.2 miles away from finishing a marathon.

that’s the point where it kind of sucks. you’ve run 16 miles, and you still have *more than ten* to go. that’s still, for a slow poke like me, somewhere around 2 hours more to go. but after the pain of starting to run again wore off, i was actually feeling pretty good. when we hit 17ish...we realized we were 2/3rds done, and that felt a little better than 10 miles. and then, came the magic mile, mile 18.

i don’t know if it was that i got a 2nd (or 3rd or 4th) wind, or if it was the chocolate goo, which is more like a packet of chocolate frosting, or the middle of a slightly cooked brownie, but somewhere during mile 18, i woke up, got un-sore, and even, dare i say, peppy. we had our headphones on, and i wish i could remember what song was playing but it was a bit of a blur but i felt like i could run like the wind. yes, my feet still hurt. yes, my legs still hurt. but it was all relative and dulled by the rush of endorphins flooding my brain.

our next spot for friendly faces was just after mile 20. the crowds were fantastic, and there were lots of tnt coaches from other chapters along the route encouraging us. charlotte started to fade a bit - “talk to me and tell me anything”. i started blathering on like an idiot that “less than 6 miles to go...and then we’re going to get medals and eat in-and-out burgers and drink beer and take a nap and get a massage and go in the hot tub and we already ran almost 20 and we’re doing great!” this took some time and even incited a giggle. my work was done. we crossed the 20 mile mark and waved at the camera men snapping away on the scaffolding.

there was the massive tnt cheering crew at mile 20+ yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!! i was all grins. “how are you guys feeling!” poor charlotte said “she’s great.” tossing her head in my general direction. i nodded emphatically with my lunatic-like grin. she started telling us that our coach christine would be up ahead, but that it was time to not think about our legs, only our arms. i tuned out because up ahead i could see my mom. i can’t remember if we stopped, i don’t think so, it was more of a slow-down, drive by, but my mom and aunt and sister were all cheering. someone said i looked like i just started, oh sweet lies, but it was fun anyway. i didn’t know where my dad was, but we had to keep moving.

char and i broke up at the 21 mile water stop. i was still feeling good, and charlotte, who had clif-blocks, not goo decided that she was going to stop and walk. it was very cinematic, like a scene in a film where someone’s wounded and the other person has to go find help. cue dramatic music...

charlotte: i’m going to walk while i have some water...but you go on, i’ll catch up
me: are you sure?
charlotte: yes, you go ahead. i’ll catch up, if you don’t speed up...
me: i won’t, i’ll be going this same pace...this pace
charlotte: yes, i just need to walk a little, i’ll see you in a bit...
me: okay...i’ll see you soon...

and scene.

i continued to feel great - i was passing people left and right, which was an odd feeling. soon i could see my coach christine up ahead. i waved and waved and she yelped and started running with me!! “roxie! all smiles!! exactly what i would have expected! you look great...i could see you passing everyone, you’re definitely one of strongest runners out here right now” (my grin got bigger) “wait, where’s charlotte!” i told her she was just taking a little break and was just a little bit behind me. it was nice having and expert with you for a little bit. she told me it was all about the arms...don’t think about your lower body, keep your arms loose and try not to be tense. if your arms are moving, your legs will move. she ran with me for about a mile, and that was great. she turned back and there i was, around mile 22. four more miles.

i stayed close to the right, near the crowds, still smiling, waving, letting the crowds keep me going. somewhere between mile 22 and 23 was when it got really hard physically. it was time to have my last goo, but i felt really really nauseous. in fact i was quite certain if could quite easily stop running, lean over, and puke right there on the side of the road. with this came a little bit of a lightheadedness. if you don’t know, loosing too much salt from your body is worse than being too dehydrated. symptoms are similar, but when it’s a salt issue it affects your mental state. scary. my last goo also was 4x sodium, and after that and some more pink accellerade i felt a little better.

mile 23...done. it was sunny but i still wasn’t too hot. crowds were thinning but the tnt coaches were out en-mass, probably running back and forth like christine had been doing. ahead was the one hill of the whole race, but it wasn’t a terrible one. i was a little more tired when i got to the top, but i was okay. i could see 24 in the distance. oh we were getting there. mile 24...the time on the clock was 4:52. we had stared seven minues after the clock...so i officially knew that i was not going to break 5 hours because i’d have to run 7.5 minute miles. it made me laugh that i was even still thinking about time at a time like that. i wasn’t broken yet.

and now, with just two miles, only 24 minutes left to go, this is the part i had saved all my inspiration for. the second wind, the happy running time, it was done. now it was just me and my aching tired body...and the reason i had come to do this damn run in the first place. throughout the run, i hadn’t wanted to think of the reasons why i was running until i really needed it.

first i thought about someone i had never met before. my friend fran’s friend alan. he had been fighting lymphoma and thought he had beat it, but it had returned. fran, being a fantastic person, gave me a 2nd donation. i told him to tell alan i would be running for him. and so i thought about alan and his fight, and run for him i did.

then i ran for anthony, a former-coworker’s husband. he was diagnosed with leukemia right around the time i decided to do the marathon. he’s just 43, and he runs marathons. when he was diagnosed, they said they though he had the leukemia for over a year, and he ran the last nyc marathon while he was sick, but didn’t know it. over the last 5 months, he got a bone marrow transplant and he’s back at home and doing well. he had sent me a lovely good-luck note, and i thought of it and him. and got a few more yards down the road.

and then, of course, it was time to think of bouv. i didn’t think words. i thought of his smile, the smirky-shit-eating-grin-smile. i pictured him happy and relaxed and drinking a killians, shaking his head at the lengths i had gone to show him that i cared. i thought about him grinning and saying, in his think accent “come on giroux, you’re almost done, giroux, you got it? then we’ll go drink some beahs”. i answered back “bring me home buddy” and managed another little burst of speed.

mile 25, oh thank christ...1.2 miles! if i could have jumped up and down, i would have. crowds were thickening and still cheering. there was one more water stop but there was no way i was stopping then. that mile, was probably the mile that took the longest. “if your arms are moving, your legs are moving, your arms move your legs move” droned in my head. still grinning though, tnt peeps were cheering me on, saying i looked strong, almost there, all those encouraging types of things people are supposed to say to people at the end of a marathon. i grinned at them all and put one foot in front of another.

a tnt coach that was not from my chapter came up and started jogging up next to me. so nice. i never really knew what having a team meant, and this race really illustrated it better than anything else i think i could have done. he said i was doing great, but to loosen my shoulders a little bit, they were a little tense. okay. he said as when i turned the corner i would see a big sign at 6th street (i think) and that was the 26 mile mark...and then there was only .2 miles! yeaaaaaaah!

i thanked him for the good news and kept going. 6th street. 26 milescrowds and crowds, their clothing and cheers blending together...and there was ramon and his cowbell.
it is a tradition that ramon, our head coach, runs each and every new york chapter runner up to the finish line, ringing a very very loud and obnoxious cow bell. i hollered at him and there we were, finish line ahead, bell triumphantly cheering.

“so how you feel? do you feel good? you look good!”
“yes, i feel good!“
“and now you can auction you butt for even more because it is marathon butt!” at this i just started cracking up.
“but seriously, it’s all you now. there is is, the finish line. look good for you picture. i am so freaking proud of you!” if my face hadn't already been reddish, i'm sure i would have blushed.

and he stopped running, and then it was just me and the finish line a yard or two ahead. i raised my arms wildly and i thought i was going to hurt myself smiling so big and cheering at the same time, waving at the crowds and the camera’s taking pictures. i had thought all along i was going to cry, but there was no room for tears in the sheer joy that was crossing that finish line.

i was a marathoner. and a smiling one.

today's mileage: 26.2
mileage to date: 371.2

the marathon: 0 - 13.1 miles

we had set our alarms for 5, and a wake up call for 5:15. despite what the “penguin” had said, i was exhausted and passed right out, sleeping very soundly. i think i was over-stimulated. the alarm went off and it was time for breakfast. the night before we had stopped in the lobby to grab bagels with peanut butter so we wouldn’t have to deal with the crowd in the morning. i sleepily sat in my bed eating 1/2 my bagel and chugging water. then i laid back down for a little catnap. when i finally did get out of bed, i wasn’t that tired. we looked at the weather...and it was freezing! actually it was below freezing, in the mid-twenties. yikes. we got dressed, putting on many layers. i wore:

• a long-sleeved running shirt
• my lovingly decorated singlet
• an old-long-sleeved surfer shirt
• my $4 walgreens sweatshirt
• a black wrap sweater
• running shorts
• windpants
• socks
• sneakers
• disposable gloves
• adidas baseball cap

my accessories were: fuel belt, ipod, 7 goos, license, 10 bucks and camera.

we headed down to the 2nd floor where the team was meeting. the nerves were palatable. we took a few photos. i realized with my odd mix of clothing i looked like a homeless person. about 10 minutes later it was time to head downstairs. while fundraising, demps promise was that if he reached his goal, he would run with a redsox cap in honoror of bouv’s love of the redsox. he had made it so i giggled to see him in a sox hat, where he had written in marker, next to the B “ouv”. awesome. we assembled in the lobby waiting for the busses to arrive. ramon was giving everyone last minute instructions that generally were to stay as warm as possible until moving to our corrals. the line was moving slowly and the time ticked away. we made a last minute bathroom run...and still no bus.

finally, they arrived. 1/2 of us were on the first bus, and 1/2 on the second. we realized that it was already 7:15 or so...and the race was starting at 7:40. i started trying to organize my last few things...goo’s, ipod, layers...because by the time we got there we were pretty much only going to have time to pee and then the race would begin. ramon was adorable, a nervous dad taking kids for their first day of school. we found a spot and started stripping off layers and stuffing goos in our belts. with my camera, my “fanny pack” only fit 4 goos, so i pinned three to the outside. the last thing i needed to do was take my windpants off - i almost fell over, and ramon grabbed me, “careful! you don’t want to get hurt even before you start!” that would have been my luck.

finally i was ready - demps headed over to the start, charlotte and i had to pee again. we got in short porta-potty lines, but unfortunately, they were not the fastest moving. i’m not going to get into detail, but grooooooooooooooooooooss. it was my fastest pee-break ever. it was 7:37 ack! we started walking fast towards the trucks to drop our bags, but then once we heard the announcer starting, we started jogging. i could not believe we were late! it was freezing out but i was not cold at all - adrenaline and nerves had taken over. charlotte and i met back up again, and started running around looking for our corral...before we got there...BANG! the pistol went off and finally we found a spot to join in the crowd.

“roxie!” i turned and there was katie running over to us! we all shrieked excitedly and went along with the crowd. charlotte pulled over to ditch her pants, and i decided to ditch the two extra shirts i had on. katie had seen demps around, and we kept looking for a red sox hat, but to no avail. we had a little distance before crossing the start line and we cheered and smiled big dumb smiles the whole way there. we were in a crowd but it wasn’t terribly congested. charlotte and i looked at each other, wide eyed and exchanging big grins! this is it! we crossed the start line with katie and cheered our little hearts out. then...a little trouble. charlotte asked how many goo’s i should have on the outside of my belt...three. there was only one left. just over the start and down two goos. i couldn’t remember if i had only planned on one extra, or two. char carried the last one for me, and also had plenty of extra clif blocks, but it made me a nervous - i’d either be short energy or have to “try something new on race day” which we all know is not a wise thing.

i looked left and there was demps! yeah!! we were running. in. the. marathon. the first few mile or so was definitely a blur of hooting and hollering and waving to the crowds. there were scary (no offense here, but they were) christians on the route with huge signs saying that we were all going to hell, and to claim jesus as our savior. you had to laugh, because it looked like over half the people out there belonged to one charity or another, i likely bunch of candidates for burning in hell.
at the first mile marker we were way ahead of pace - just over an 11 minute mile. we wanted to be really careful with our pacing and run the first third no faster than 12 minute miles. we were supposed to have a general race plan, and we did, but it was really loose. the general idea is to pace yourself in thirds. the first third you should feel like you are really holding back. the 2nd third you speed up a bit, but you’re still holding back, and finally, the last third you let go everything you’ve got left. so until we around mile 9, we were going to go slow and steady. at mile 16, we would make a judgement based on time and how we felt if we were going to try to beat the 5 hour mark.

demps’ knee was feeling good so he slowly inched away. we waved and i hoped that he’s be good throughout. i was a little worried he was going too fast considering his injury, but i knew i had to trust that he knew how he felt. everyone has to run their own race.

the 2nd mile we were still a little fast, but closer to the 12-minute-mile we wanted to be running. there was tons of team in training purple in the crowd - it was amazing. lots of fans with team in training signs, cheering us along. somewhere between 2 & 3 (i think) we saw the first tnt training section, where the head mentor, and two coordinators were cheering. helena, the head coordinator, is a cheering maniac. she ran up beside us screaming her head off, jumping up and down, hollering “yeah new york! whoooo jen & melissa!!” some people from another chapter laugh and called out “wow, your chapter’s fun!” fun and crazy! soon, there were my parents & sister, on the other side of the street, equipped with both digital and video cameras. cute. we waved and hollered at them and continued on our way.
since it is the rock’n’roll marathon, there were bands every mile, which definitely broke things up and made the miles go pretty quickly. we were feeling great, and i didn’t have any of my typical mile 2-4 crankiness. as we ticked off the miles, we were trying not to think of the run as one big run, but rather smaller more manageable ones. we lasted to mile 4 before it was time for a bathroom break. we found one with a small line. the water stations were all themed. i can’t remember what that one’s theme was but there was someone that just kept running “you’re right on target!” to all the runners going buy. a girl behind us in line laughed and said “yeah, on target to finish.” ha. we hoped.

i knew my friend from high school was going to be somewhere around mile 7 with a big yellow sign with animal balloons, so that was the next “chunk” if you will. we took in the crowds the bands; we sang “brown-eyed girl”, made bets on how many times we’d hear “sweet home alabama” and gave hi-fives to the kids on the side of the road. there was a guy that was in our general area for most of the run who would yell whenever he saw us “new york, new york!” every other stop had accelerade - a gatorade-competitor. it was a little bit chunky, but not bad. it was, however, sticky so we tried not to spill it as we guzzled. the first few miles were also pretty ugly, aside from some interesting old signs, but after mile 4 we turned into a more residential strip and it was much nicer. the sky was ridiculously blue, and in the sun it didn’t feel too cold. there were well-meaning spectators handing out water and snacks, a giant hot-air balloon, and little cheering squads everywhere. we were right on the money as far as our timing, and feeling great.

we got to 16th street and i knew aimee would be out there soon. sure enough, there she was, all bundled up with her husband, holding a huge yellow sign that said my name and “THS class of ’94 is so proud!” i waved like a maniac, and stopped to hug them both. aimee used to be a running champ - when we were in high school she was ranked nationally - and throughout all the training and everything she’s been so supportive. so when we stopped, she cutely urged us on “go go!” and soon we were at mile 8.

i think mile 9 was the 2nd pee break and time to pick it up a little bit - we were going to go for 11:30’s or so. we passed a clock which gave us the temperature - 33 degrees!?! amazing how adrenalin can keep you warm. around mile 10 we ran into my mentor kelly and irene, who is just the best. she is an older lady, with the heart and determination of a lion. i think she’s in her early 60s, and her husband has been fighting a difficult disease, and she was running for him. over the last 5+ months we had all seen her at practice every day, saw her running get stronger and stronger, and i was so glad to get to spend a little time on the road with her. i ran ahead and snapped some photos of them, and one of the “new york new york” guys jogged up and offered to take one of all of us. he ran so far a head i thought for a split second i had lost my camera, but of course that didn’t happen. he snapped some of the four of us, we waved goodbye to kelly and irene and we were on our way again.

three more miles until another tnt cheering section. thet were going by quickly, and we felt lucky. then at mile 11, i started feeling...not so good. suddenly i was acutely aware of the bottom of my feet. they hurt. a lot. my left leg, especially my quad, had started to get crampy. charlotte was feeling great, and i, well i simply was not. thinking that i still had 15 miles left made me really nervous. i convinced myself that it was merely a late on-set of those aches and pains i usually get, but i had lots of little doubts in the back of my mind. i set my jaw, thought about bouv, and concentrated on one foot after another. we were using our ipods for a bit, and the music definitely helped. but mostly the crowds really kept you going. i couldn’t help but smile and say thank you every time someone shouted my name. i think it was around this point that we saw a woman holding a sign that said “I am alive because of you. Thank you Leukemia & Lymphoma Society”. how could i worry about sore feet?

finally we saw that beautiful 13.1 sign!! knew my family would be waiting around the half-way point and that would give me a needed boost. sure enough, a minute or two later i saw themin the middle of a big team in training crowd. we ran over and i hugged everyone, we were all yelling, and my sister took a photo of me and melissa. my mom, nearly in tears, exclaimed “you girls look so good!” and my dad filmed it all. we were continuing on and i ran at the camera yelling “only for you bouv!” we were off again.

saturday: wrap-up

people just kept speaking and sharing - and even when the stories were sad, overall it was really uplifting. drew was the final speaker, and he left us on a happy note. i was really proud of my crew.

we finished decorating our shirts, and then it was practically time for dinner. my family picked me and charlotte up and we headed out for more pasta. we had a great dinner, made a pit stop at walgreens for water, gatorade, and i scored a cheap sweatshirt to wear at the early part of the race.

then it was back to the hyatt...by the time we got back it was a little before 10 - yikes. we decided we would get up at 5 - we had to meet downstairs at 6:15, and the race started at 7:40. drew came over for a little bit, we gave him & demps 1/2 our case of water. drew had been debating on running the full marathon, even though his knee was questionable, but ultimately decided to stick with the half. i can't say that i knew how he felt, but i could imagine, and i didn't envy him.

the perfectionist in me was still working on my shirt and charlotte was planning her itunes mix (my ipod was not working, and so i wasn’t able to work on mine). we laid out our clothes, packed the clear bag we got at the expo, pinned numbers, attached chips to shoes, picked out goo’s, charged cameras, and finally got into bed. for how i was feeling at that moment...click here.

saturday (part 2): why i run

i took a deep breath and stood up in front of my friends, teammates and coaches.

"hi, i'm jen...affectionately known as ms bum." (laugh)

before i start writing about what i said, i'm going to tell you now that it was a blur of run-on sentences and maybe even incomplete thoughts. and i will probably add a few things here and there that i did not say, but meant to, and need to now.

"so, you heard demps talk a little bit about why i am running. i am running in memory of my friend steve bouvier. we called him bouv. i met bouv in 7th grade, in science class. he was the nicest guy we all knew. he was always smiling. growing up, it was always steve and the girls - he was the only guy that was allowed to hang out with all the girls. bouv was the guy that you were always keeping an eye-out for a good girl to set him up with (until he snagged jeanne). we were friends through high school and college, through break-ups and living in different states. bouv always had your back. he had the thickest massachusetts accent of all our friends - there was nothing like going for "beahs" with bouvier. he loved skiing, and vermont, and his family, and chemistry, and jeanne, and also us brimfield girls.

when bouv was diagnosed with hodgkin's he was optimistic. he showed no fear. he told us all that it was "the kinda cancer you want to get if you get cancer". the survival rates were high. his calm way of talking about it put the rest of us at ease. we all knew he was going to beat it.

through the years, bouv's disease seemed be on a roller coaster. he'd get better and then he'd get sick again. throughout, he never seemed down about it. over thanksgiving and christmas breaks, he'd play designated driver and we'd hit the local bar as we always had. he had a few bone marrow transplants, and they seemed to help, but he never got completely better. i had moved to new york, and so at those periods that he'd have to go in the hospital for treatments, i never saw him. i only ever saw the healthy bouv.

bouv met a girl named jeanne. and she was fantastic, and we were all happy that he had found such a wonderful girl. they fell in love. and before one of his more experimental treatments, they got married in vermont, in a little ceremony with just their families. we got the pictures and he looked so happy. the hodgkin's could not wipe the signature bouv-grin off his face.

last year, in early october, a few days before i was taking off for a three-day charity bike ride, we got an e-mail from jeanne. steve was really sick again, and his body could not handle any more chemo. he and jeanne and his family decided that bouv would go into hospice. i confess, i didn't know what hospice was. when i asked a friend at work, they said that hospice is not about getting better, it's about managing pain.

i was bewildered and shocked. how could...but he wasn't that sick...but not bouv. in two days i had to on the bike ride, and was so scared that i was not going to make it to massachusetts to see him, before...i couldn't even say it. i got a friend to scan a picture of bouv and the brimfield girls - it was his favorite - a photo that he would take with him to the hospital when he got treatment, and throughout that ride, i kept that photo close, making that ride for him, drawing on the strength he had to keep going.

the following weekend, i decided to go up to massachusetts on sunday to see bouv. when i went into the living room, i'm not sure that my face hid what i felt. he simply looked so much older than the last time i saw him. too old for his years. i sat in his living room with jeanne and his family, and we talked, catching up. he was on a lot of pain meds, patches and such, that jeanne lovingly and handled with a quiet strength that i'm not sure that i possess.

before i knew it, it was time for me to catch a train. i went over and hugged bouv and said goodbye, and said "i'll see you next week, okay?" and his reply was a firm "definitely." i didn't cry until i got in the car.

a few days later steve died. i've never talked about this before, but after feeling the sorrow, for steve, for jeanne, for his family...the next worst thing was the guilt. i should have been there more often. visited. why didn't i realize? i wasn't a good friend, how did i not know this was going to happen and spent more time with bouv.

and so, almost a year later, when i decided it was time to do some new charity activity, i wanted to do something for the leukemia & lymphoma society. i came to a tnt info meeting looking for a bike ride. and as i sat there, sad and inspired and wanting to do *something*, looking at the bike rides and thinking...they're too short (they were "only" day rides of 100 miles)...a flicker of insanity sparked. a marathon? no way. there's no way i can. but then i couldn't let it go, because i knew if i had it in me to do this, if i did, i could probably only do it for a damn good reason. and doing it for bouv seemed like a damn good reason.

that's how i signed up with the rest of you crazy people, to run a marathon. but beyond running, what you've given me, what these last months have given me, was a way to heal a little bit. it means so much. and not just to me. to bouv's family. to so many other people. i've raised a lot of money, no doubt, but what is more amazing to me is that over 120 people have been a part of this, have gotten to do something in memory for someone that we loved so much.

we're going to run a marathon tomorrow. and i know that i can do it. i know that you can too. so thank you. thank you for being here, and training with me, for helping me do something for my friend. thank you demps & charlotte & drew for doing this with me. thank you bouv."

some little photos

here are some photos i stole off the marathon website...sorry for the small size but its going to take me a little while to get the larger res.

charlotte & me crossing the starting line


somewhere in the middle...still smiling...


coach ramon runs me to the finish, ringing a cow bell, i'm so freaking proud of you!


crossing the finish line all smiles.


i am a marathoner.

saturday - the day before the marathon (part 1)

we got up at 7:15 to get ready for our group run. we met downstairs at 7:50, and despite the cold, we were all...well...giddy. i personally hadn’t run in about a week, and i could tell it was making me a little bit spastic. charlotte, demps, drew and i took a few pictures (that all came out blurry unfortunately) and we stood around chatting with the people we hadn’t yet seen. i was talking to our rookie coach, who told me he liked my website. ramon over heard and called him out (to be read with a spanish accent): “you don’t like her website, you like the picture on her website! ees okay, i told her if i wasn’t the coach i would give her 500 and 1 dollars!” we busted up laughing and headed out.

we were leading the pack, chatting with ramon & the rookie. everyone chatted excitedly away, we must have sounded like a flock of strange birds. we were only going to run 20 minutes, ten out and back. it was easy of course, because of the short distance but also because we were craving a run, as the coaches said we would. when we got back, we gathered in an open space across from our hotel for a group stretch. ramon & christine talked a bit about tomorrow - what the weather was going to be like, what we should wear, and a little pep-talkin’. when that was through, we were going to go around the circle and tell everyone our name, where we’re from, which event we were doing and why. after the coaches spoke, ramon scanned around the circle and said “and let’s start with miss butt.”

i am quite certain that in the world of team in training, i am never going to live that nick-name down.

we went around the circle, which was huge - we were about 80 people i believe. it was a perfect cross-section of new york...people from all over: down south, new england, born-and-bred-in-brooklyners, californians and a few europeans of course. there were definitely folks there that i was sure i had never seen before, and i wondered how they were going to fair in their respective runs.

after the run, we got my sister and headed out for brunch. we found a place that had all-you-can-stuff-in-your-face and did so. nothing like the instruction to carbo-load! after we ate, my parents had arrived and drew and charlotte needed to get their numbers. i was highly indecisive about what to wear so we all headed over to the expo together. we waved to the coaches and i shouted “this is mom & dad bum!”
drew and char took off to get their numbers and my parents, sister and i headed into the madness of the expo. it was even more crowded than yesterday, and i was having a bout of indecision about weather or not to wear a long sleeve under my singlet. the weather was supposed to start in the 40’s and get on up into the high 50’s, maybe even the low 60’s. my long sleeved was a little heavier than what the coaches recommended, but i was having trouble finding a thin long-sleeved or a tee shirt that would work. argh. my parents were adorably trying to buy me all sorts of memorabilia - i finally settled for a long-sleeved that said “26.2 miles and still smiling.” i thought twice - was i jinxing myself? - but bought it anyway.

my family and drew headed back to their respective hotels, while charolotte and i continued to look around the expo. she wanted power-jelly beans (yes, they do make such thing), and i was still wavering on the shirt. eventually, i found my favorite running shirt for about 1/2 of what i paid for it and the decision was made. i would wear the old shirt under the singlet, and if i got too hot, i would simply take it off. voila!

by the time we left, there wasn’t much time before it was time to go to our pasta party. our chapter had ended up with the lunch seating. the nyc chapter has a tradition of donning i [heart] nyc tee-shirts, so don we did and got ready to go. demps was meeting us there, so drew, charlotte and i headed to the building right across from the hotel.

as we got off the elevator, we could hear the beginnings of a commotion. turning the corner we were greeted with screems, shout and cheers. lining both sides of the hallway were all the tnt coaches, staff and even cheering squads clapping and hollering us into the ballroom. i had the dumbest grin on my face, and was distracted enough that i didn’t even think to video the chaos. i realized that this was what pep-rallies were supposed to be like. it was so cool.

we dumped our stuff at a table right up towards the front, and went to pile our plates with pasta and bread. we sat with a fellow tnt-er and her family until the speakers begain. first was john “the penguin” (i can’t remember his last name). he writes for runners world, and was basically up there to bust us up laughing. he did a good job. he called for the first timers to stand, and quipped “enjoy it because it’s the last time you will stand up normally in about 6 weeks”. he warned the families “look out, because tomorrow morning your marathoner is going to get up with the emotional stability of a two year old.” he cautioned that we were not going to sleep that night, so we might as well not waste energy thrashing around trying to. he advised us not to worry about what time we were going to finish in because we were going to lie about it anyway! “well, it was 4 hours and 50 minutes, but i stopped 3 times to use the bathroom, and then john and betty were at mile 10 and...so yeah, like i said, it was more like 4 hours and 30 minutes by my watch!”

next on the floor was another writer and running expert who works with the lls. he talked about what a difference our fundraising makes in the advancement of research. since it’s humble beginnings, team in training has raised (i need to check this number) but in the neighborhood over $720 million dollars for the leukemia & lymphoma society. that is *real* money. i had no idea it was that much. it mad e me proud to be a part of it.

and then he began to announced the top 10 fundraisers. i held my breath for a moment...and wished a little wish that i would be in the top ten. my teammate emily was announced and i knew with a twinge of disappointment that i would not be. what was amazing though was the highest fundraiser - she raised over $54,000!! craziness!! i wonder if she auctioned any body-parts.

the final portion of the lunch, a woman got up and spoke about her granddaughter. little alison was diagnosed with a rare blood cancer far too early in life at just a few months old, and died around 9 months old. she talked for a little while about allison and how the treatments that kept her alive for as long as she was were a direct result of research funded by the lls. and then we watched a video/photo montage. it was so sad. we saw this adorable bundle of baby from the time she was born, to the hospital visits towards the end. pictures of the family; baby, momma & pup sleeping on the couch, the first time she said daddy. everyone was in tears. babies should simply not get sick. of course, it made me think of bouv, which made me cry a little harder. no one should get sick like that.

it was a full day. after we dried our eyes, it was back to the hyatt for a team meeting and to decorate our singlets. we were stocked with markers and white-out, we arts-and-crafted away while the staff took pictures. when we were mostly done, we all sat down in a circle, and the staff gave us another chance to talk about why we were running. if you’ve been reading, you know about mission moments. basically at practice every wednesday and saturday, someone would get up and talk about why they were running with team in training. because not everyone was at every practice, people were invited to speak.

i can’t remember if demps went first, but if he didn’t it was really early on. i got ready to be embarrassed. he started by saying that he was running for someone he had never met. “you might know my friend jen. she’s the one auctioning off her butt.” knew that was coming. and then he proceeded to get me, and bunches of other people teary-eyed. he talked about how i had asked him if he wanted to run a marathon, and how i was running for bouv and so he had decided to do the same. he talked a little bit about bouv, some of the things i had told him, like his love for the red sox. and so, he ran because he knew how much bouv would want to run if he could.

one after one, almost everyone in the room talked about why they were running. some had lost parents. some had siblings who were fighting a blood cancer. some joined simply to run a marathon but now were personally connected to someone affected by the cancers. childhood friends lost too early to leukemia. charlotte spoke about her best friend who died when they were little. college friends who seemed invincible lost to hodgkins. colleen spoke about how she was a terrible fundraiser, but was so inspired and impressed by us all...”i mean look at jen - she’s auctioning off a tattoo on her ass! that’s permanent! and it’s not like she’s short a thousand dollars - she’s already raised a ton of money!” and one girl who got up and spoke was a riot. she talked about how she started running to quit smoking. i will try to paraphrase here...

“i’m a smoker. i’m a proud smoker, and not only that, i’m *good* at it. i started running partially to quit smoking, which hasn’t really worked. because ironically, since i started running, i’m an even *better* smoker because of my super strong lungs. when we were out on the trails, i snuck off and smoked three cigarettes in the woods, and in fact, this morning i was smoking outside the coffee shop while the coaches were inside getting bagels. i love to smoke. but listening to you all here, after being a part of this, after not being able to quit all season, i’m actually going to quit at the end of the month. because i realize after sitting here that it would be an insult to all of you to continue to do something that pretty much is voluntarily killing myself. so my promise to you is that i am quittig.” i believed her.

i knew it was time for me to get up and speak, and i did. but i’m going to have to save that for the next post...because it’s late and this part of my story needs time to be written.

friday - two days until marathon

the new yorkers invaded phoenix relatively on time, right around 11. after gathering everyone’s luggage (for once, i had probably under-packed and had only a carry-on), we were herded onto shuttle busses and taken to the hyatt, which would be our home for the next few days.

charlotte and drew were coming in later, so it was only demps and i in our little crew. we each chilled out in our rooms for a little bit and then headed out to get food, pick up our numbers and hit the expo. expo is just what you would imagine it to be - vendors of all sorts, mostly running-oriented, selling and pushing everything from marathon kitsch and disposable pants/shirts to wear pre-race to other marathons and timeshares.

everything was a little bit surreal. the stress and anxiousness had died down and were replaced with the beginnings of excitement and wanting to run already! we grabbed baja fresh mostly because we were lazy and it was surprisingly tasty. then it was over to the convention center to get our numbers. haven’t yet shaken off my flakiness of the past few days, i had left my license - which you need to get your race number because of, if you can believe it, marathon-id-fraud - in my room. doh. so there was a little extra walking and then there it was - my marathon number. 11040. attached to the number was a bag check tag and a ticket for a free tee-shirt - whoo hoo!

i was on the hunt for goo, because i hadn’t had time for shopping before i left. i also was thinking of breaking the “nothing new on race day” rule because i thought it was going to be far too cold for just my singlet but too hot to wear my long-sleeved under it. i was nervous they weren’t going to have my kind of goo - power gels, preferably the double latte & pure energy varieties - because another brand was the sponsor, but there they were. one less thing to worry about. after a while it was too hot and crowded, so demps and i headed back to the hyatt to swap goo flavors (wow - i’m officially a running nerd) and take a nap.

after demps left for his room i intended to sleep but heard people in the hot tub which was right out my window. my mentor, kelly, and some other gals were down there so i decided to nap later and went down to be social. friday was the last time we were allowed to use the hot tub until 4 hours after the race because you a) don’t want to raise your body temperature or b) get extra dehydrated. speaking of hydration, up until 2 hours before the race you can imagine a water bottle permanently attached to my right hand, and schedule in pee-breaks every 1/2 hour or so. anyway - the hot tub got rid of the last few lingering jitters, and then i headed up to my room for a nap. it was one of the best naps ever.

i woke up at 6 and shortly after, demps came over. he laughed when he saw i was in full pajama mode for my nap (why not!) and we waited for kelly and some others to get back to the grocery store so we could all go to dinner.

right near the hotel there was a cute little outdoor mall, where we ended up eating at “my big fat greek restaurant”. not the sort of place i might typically go to, but i’m such a nyc food-snob that i didn’t really care. plus, it had the funny factor and flaming cheese, which makes up for what i figured would be less-than-great greek.
as soon as we sat down, drew called to say he had arrived, so i had him come over and meet us. it was fun crew. in our company we had a teacher, a lawyer-soon-going-back-to-school-to-become-a-doctor, a marketing guru (me, ha), a hbo production manager, an oncologist and a freelance film production/director/writer. i think one of the coolest things about tnt (aside from the amazing impact the organization has had on blood cancers of course) is how it brings all sorts of people together. i think in ny (and maybe elsewhere too) you tend to flock to the same kinds of people that you are, and while that is somewhat inevitable, its refreshing to get out of that too.

after dinner, demps and drew came over and we had a good catch up. demps’ girlfriend & my sister were on the same flight in from ny, and charlotte was on a flight that got in right around the same time. demps had to leave to get his girl, and drew and i continued chatting about what we were going to visit after the race, films and global warming. the girls got in around midnight, had snacks and then we all passed out. charlotte and i had to get up early...we had a group run at 8 am.

i am a marathoner

i made it.

i'm breaking the "don't blog while drunkish" rule, but i'm keeping it short so that it is tame.

to put it simply...i kicked ass.

i ran the 2nd half faster than the first. i was focused and strong and smiling the whole run.

i missed the ideal time goal, but that is okay, because i know it can be done.

only for you bouv. only for you.

it all comes down to this

well everyone, it's been a long long long road. and tomorrow's the longest of all.

i'm no longer nervous, at least at the moment. i'm not sure if its bravery or what, but i think i'm more excited to get this thing started than anything else. and a true measure of this is that i think my ipod is broken and i'm still not freaking out.

today has been a blur of activities and emotions, and i can't quite express it yet, but i'll come back to today in a future post. for now, i'll leave you with a few...

the last group run...new yorkers, originally from all over the country but new yorkers..."ms bum, you start the introductions"...a proud mom and dad...water and water and more water..."i have to go pee again"...cheerleaders and coaches and clapping and hollering us into the pasta party...a sea of i [heart] ny teeshirts..."does anyone in here think they're going to win? because if you do, you are in the wrong room."...bread, pasta, bread, salad, bread..."since its inception, team in training has raised over $700 million to fight blood related cancers"...a baby giggles and says 'daddy'..."we lost alli when she was 9 months old"...sharpies and white-out make for good arts and crafts, my singlet rocks...a team comes together...why we run...how we've grown...some missed out on more than practice...almost everyone speaks...all my crew makes me proud...even the non-criers cry...i talk about bouv and and jeanne and his family and you all. and i thank them and you and the team for the chance for us to share something for bouv and everyone that has been touched by these and other cancers.

thank you.

my number

and we're off.

at kick-off, ramon warned us not to wait until the night before to pack. unfortunately, it is in my nature to do just that, and this week i was too tired to fight human nature. too many things going on, excitement/stress/tension overload between the trip to nashville and the marathon, made worse by not running as much.

so there i was at 10:00 pm packing. the good folks at ” target=”_blank”>TNT had put together a packing list for us, and thank christ because i couldn’t think. i actually gave demps the wrong address at first when i was telling him where to meet me to get the car in the morning. that, ladies and gents, is how out of it i am. first things first: sneakers, sports bra, shorts, long-sleeved running shirt, tnt tank top, hi-tech socks, marathon registration card. i figured as long as i didn’t forget those and my wallet, anything else was replaceable. next: body-glide (aka anit-chafing lube), fuel belt, casual sneakers, warm stuff for before and after the race (as of last night we’re looking at a high of 55 degrees, not *that* warm, but at least not raining), bathing suit, ipod, camera, various cables, pasta-& post-party tickets. finally: hanging-out/post-run-celebratory clothing and cosmetics.

i’ve become quite the efficient packer these days. even though i only had a carry on for tennessee, i really over-packed vs. what i needed on that trip so i learned my lesson. or, i will open my suitcase to find that aside my running stuff i have packed the most random assortment of clothing ever to travel together in one bag. we’ll find out when i get to phoenix.

as i was packing, my upstairs neighbors decided to host a james brown-lovin’, p-funkadelic dance party. at least that’s what it sounded like. someone was jumping up and down sporadically, the audio to elaine’s spastic dancing on seinfeld. there were cheers of “YEAH!” and “WHOOO!” punctuating the pumpin’ music. and no one in the building was getting to sleep through that. i debated dialing 311 but was never forced into a decision because on of my neighbors called in and soon the dance party was subdued.

until i tried to go to bed around 12:30. slowly but surely, the audio crept back up, and with it the happy feet. then down it would go, until enthusiasm would sweep in and the whole cycle would start back over again. i could picture the scene vividly, the drunken roommate being hushed by the slightly-less-drunk roommate okay, okay, i’ll be quiet, and then a little couch dancing gets more animated and a particularly great song comes on that you can’t bear to let go buy with out dancing so the the groove starts again, and the volume is turned back up and everyone parties happily until the slightly-less-drunk roommate remembers that we’re supposed to be quite!!!

so after a while i got used to it and passed out. woke up at 1:30 sure i had slept late, checked the time, actually thought to myself “wow, almost three more hours of sleep! yes!”, passed back out.

i stumbled out of bed at 4:15. threw my clothes on, tossed a few last minute things in my bag and before i knew it the car and demps were outside promptly at 4:45. amazingly, there was actually traffic in the holland tunnel at that hour, but we got there just when we were supposed to, at 5:30. lines were long, but demps has the luck of the irish with him, and was with a group that got taken from the back of the line to another counter. we ran into some tnt-ers and pretty much breezed through security.

from there, everything was a blur of hellos until we got on the plane. i had the social-captain send an e-mail to the team about bid on my bum, and so was personally greeted with variations on “has anyone bought your ass?” i’ve now become the bum girl. expressions range from incredulous to fits of giggles and a dash of horror, but mostly everyone finds it hilarious. which, after raising money, is *the point*.
as we were getting on the plane, colleen was asking if i had any tattoos, and i said no. “wow, this is your first tattoo, and you’re going right for the butt!” she exclaimed.

i quipped back, “well, you know, i usually don’t do anything half-assed.”