today is bouv's birthday. it's also "september eleventh" and this is a repost from my first marathon.
i personally am having a sad day today. i've been thinking about bouv for a lot of the day. i'm tired and emotional (i'm traveling for work). it's "that day" which is always weird and terrible. and i'm feeling sorry for myself because there's no running for me right now. the word is official - i have two stress fractures and will not be able to run the marathon. i don't want to dwell on this right now but i do want to let you, my people know "officially" what is up and why there have been no posts of late.
so where i usually am able to muster a cheerful face and find some bright sides, i'm feeling sad and blue. so i decided to go back to that first bouv birthday run and read what i wrote. i did and it made me feel better. it's got the strength i wish i had today but don't and so i thought why not post it again - because it all rings true.
september 6th, 2006
september 11th is a day that it seared into the memories of americans and world. it was, as the newspapers are saying, new york's darkest day. on september 11th, 2001 i had been living in new york for a little over a year, working on the west side in chelsea at my first advertising agency. i have many surreal memories of that day and the days and weeks following, and truth be told, in years past, just the mention of the date makes me cringe. but this year, while i will not (nor do i want to) forget the tragedy that took place 5 years ago today, i choose to celebrate a more joyful event that took place 30 years ago today.
on september 11, 1976, steven bouvier was born. what i'm sure was an adorable bundle grew up to be a man, a husband, a chemist, a skiier, a scholar, an uncle, a son-in-law, a brother-in-law, a friend, and a vermont-enthusiast. he was, by birth, a son, a little brother, a nephew, a cousin, a "bouv" and a red sox fan, and i know that he excelled in all categories. he grew an infectious smile, a certain swagger in his lanky walk, a great sense of humor, long hair, and the accent we all know and love.
when i was running today, at first it was really hard to tune out the dark implications of the day. there were cops not just on the big bridges, but the little footbridges that cross the FDR. the southbound side of the FDR was blocked off, and the constant buzz of the news and police helicopters were nearly impossible to ignore. but after i got my rhythm, i was able to tune them out and think about steve.
a few weeks ago, i was watching a very very cheesy girlie movie with my sister. ( if, by the way,after i describe this you know what movie i'm talking about, you lose all rights to mock me for watching it.) in this movie, one of the characters, a 12-year-old girl, has leukemia. her friend asks her if she is afraid, and she says not of death, but of time. she was afraid that she wouldn't figure out who she was, wouldn't have time to make her mark on the world.
bouv knew who he was, and there is no question that he made a mark on the world, especially if that mark is measured in the number of people you touched and that love you.
happy birthday bouv.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
limbo with a chance of stress fracture
i finally went to the doctor today which i was both happy about and dreading. i went in hoping that there would be an "eh - it's muscular!" diagnosis straight away...but unfortunately, it was not to be.
i answered a bunch of questions for a medical student working with the doctor - the basics plus what kind of pain and when and how and all that. sometimes when describing how it hurts or how much, i am fairly certain i sound like a hypochondriac. it feels the same as when you have an eye exam and they keep asking you "which is better - this? or this?" when there isn't a whole lotta difference at all.
the doctor was prompt and no nonsense. she asked more questions - about the pain. how often i was going to pt...if it helped...what they were doing. poked at my leg. poked some more. did a few tests where she would hold my leg down and i was to press up. or to the side. or pull down. after one of these tests she said - THIS is what they should be working on! and i said my hip? and she said - no, your GLUTES.
this made me sad.
my left leg is stronger than my right at the moment (not surprising). after the tests she poked around a bit more and found a spot right on the bone and was like - does this hurt and it did.
she said it could just be a muscle strain of one of a few different muscles, one of which that runs right down the shin bone OR it could be a stress fracture OR it could be a bit of both.
sigh.
in the end...i have been subscribed 2x a week physical therapy for 6 weeks, a bone scan, some extra extra strength anti-inflammatory pills, no running until we see the bone scan results, no elliptical because it still puts pressure on that part of the leg, ideally i would get to the pool (she said this as though i had one in my backyard) and use the "aquajogger" and last but certainly not least - i am not allowed to wear flip flops because not having arch support aggrivates this sort of thing. NO FLIP FLOPS?
so more physical therapy tomorrow, and then the lovely bone scan will be next week. i'm kinda depressed but going to try to remain optimistic and look for a pool and maybe buy the aquajogger thingy if i find one. i'm also traveling for a few weeks this month which is not going to help matters...whether it be going to the pool or physical therapy or running if i'm lucky.
i'd stomp my foot but that probably wouldn't be good the ole leg either.
i answered a bunch of questions for a medical student working with the doctor - the basics plus what kind of pain and when and how and all that. sometimes when describing how it hurts or how much, i am fairly certain i sound like a hypochondriac. it feels the same as when you have an eye exam and they keep asking you "which is better - this? or this?" when there isn't a whole lotta difference at all.
the doctor was prompt and no nonsense. she asked more questions - about the pain. how often i was going to pt...if it helped...what they were doing. poked at my leg. poked some more. did a few tests where she would hold my leg down and i was to press up. or to the side. or pull down. after one of these tests she said - THIS is what they should be working on! and i said my hip? and she said - no, your GLUTES.
this made me sad.
my left leg is stronger than my right at the moment (not surprising). after the tests she poked around a bit more and found a spot right on the bone and was like - does this hurt and it did.
she said it could just be a muscle strain of one of a few different muscles, one of which that runs right down the shin bone OR it could be a stress fracture OR it could be a bit of both.
sigh.
in the end...i have been subscribed 2x a week physical therapy for 6 weeks, a bone scan, some extra extra strength anti-inflammatory pills, no running until we see the bone scan results, no elliptical because it still puts pressure on that part of the leg, ideally i would get to the pool (she said this as though i had one in my backyard) and use the "aquajogger" and last but certainly not least - i am not allowed to wear flip flops because not having arch support aggrivates this sort of thing. NO FLIP FLOPS?
so more physical therapy tomorrow, and then the lovely bone scan will be next week. i'm kinda depressed but going to try to remain optimistic and look for a pool and maybe buy the aquajogger thingy if i find one. i'm also traveling for a few weeks this month which is not going to help matters...whether it be going to the pool or physical therapy or running if i'm lucky.
i'd stomp my foot but that probably wouldn't be good the ole leg either.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
morning run FAIL
i'm really so annoyed at the moment i can barely contain myself.
my plan was to do longer short runs (like 5 miles) this week to make up for any "lost" mileage from my saturday runs - and so i got up nice and early to make sure i'd have time for a good solid run.
i practically sprang out of bed, and for the first time in a while i didn't notice the pain in my calf - which immediately made me elated. i could still feel it on the steps, but typically those first few steps out of bed are very tender ones and i was feeling really optimistic.
i got all suited up and headed out...but noticed the steps down on my stoop actually hurt more. this gave me pause, but i figured oh, its just stairs. as i started running, the pain in my calf was so that i could tell i was limping. i swore and decided i would briskly walk up the hill...giving my leg a little warm up time and then see how i would do in the top of the park, which is more flat than uphill.
it was a no go. on the "pain scale" we talk about at the physically therapist, i had shot from a 2/3 to a 6/7 and was definitely hobbling. shit shit shit. i almost threw a tempertantrum right there and went to kick a lightpost, but realized i was going to kick it with my "bad leg" and figured this wouldn't do me any good.
i swore and grumbled in frustration all the way back to my house. i did not cry but i probably could have let loose some tears of frustration if i had had the mind to. i glared at the runners headed to the park, and when some gross guy hanging out on the stoop had the bad taste to cat call me at 7:15 in the morning, i gave him a not-so-lady-like hand gesture in return. grrrrr. the bike has two flats so i couldn't go for a ride so i contented myself with some sit ups and push ups but i'm really really really discouraged and frustrated.
i'm going to call the actual doctor today and see if she can fit me in before my appointment next week on the 2nd. depending on how the day goes, i may try again later, or at least get to the gym for some cross training.
my plan was to do longer short runs (like 5 miles) this week to make up for any "lost" mileage from my saturday runs - and so i got up nice and early to make sure i'd have time for a good solid run.
i practically sprang out of bed, and for the first time in a while i didn't notice the pain in my calf - which immediately made me elated. i could still feel it on the steps, but typically those first few steps out of bed are very tender ones and i was feeling really optimistic.
i got all suited up and headed out...but noticed the steps down on my stoop actually hurt more. this gave me pause, but i figured oh, its just stairs. as i started running, the pain in my calf was so that i could tell i was limping. i swore and decided i would briskly walk up the hill...giving my leg a little warm up time and then see how i would do in the top of the park, which is more flat than uphill.
it was a no go. on the "pain scale" we talk about at the physically therapist, i had shot from a 2/3 to a 6/7 and was definitely hobbling. shit shit shit. i almost threw a tempertantrum right there and went to kick a lightpost, but realized i was going to kick it with my "bad leg" and figured this wouldn't do me any good.
i swore and grumbled in frustration all the way back to my house. i did not cry but i probably could have let loose some tears of frustration if i had had the mind to. i glared at the runners headed to the park, and when some gross guy hanging out on the stoop had the bad taste to cat call me at 7:15 in the morning, i gave him a not-so-lady-like hand gesture in return. grrrrr. the bike has two flats so i couldn't go for a ride so i contented myself with some sit ups and push ups but i'm really really really discouraged and frustrated.
i'm going to call the actual doctor today and see if she can fit me in before my appointment next week on the 2nd. depending on how the day goes, i may try again later, or at least get to the gym for some cross training.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
i'm back
you should be singin' that title ac/dc style.
so apologies for it being a while. i haven't had much to say because i've been a bit injured and i get super cranky when i'm injured, so i've mostly been updating through the ole facebook page where I can keep it short and sweet.
so....after my "successful" long run two weeks ago, i got myself a bit of a calf strain. it was probably something that had been building up but i hadn't noticed and perhaps my speedy run set it off. i wasn't able to get into the physical therapist until this past monday, so for one week i just rested and didn't do anything but ice and use the torture device aka roller.
so when i went to see the PT monday, that is when i was diagnosed. the good news was that i could still run - just not fast (absolutely no speed work), not too many hills (no hill training), and not too long. weeeeeell okay then. i was also to stretch and roll before running and also 3x a day, as well as trying to get to the gym for some reduced weight calf raises.
on wednesday morning i went out for my first one and it felt pretty shitty. it doesn't hurt like sharp shooting pain - it's more of a tight dull ache that makes it feel as tho the calf muscle doesn't have a complete range of motion. this made me feel a bit like i was hobbling, even though i wasn't really compensating judging by my gait. it just felt weird. i ran 3.4 miles and gave myself a good stretch but felt very stiff and therefor discouraged all day wednesday.
wednesday's mileage: 13.3
time run: n/a
season mileage to date: 183.5
thursday i felt better - it seemed as though maybe the run had done the stiffness good.
friday after work i went back to the pt where he did more soft tissue work (aka super painful massage/pressure stuff) and some exercises. i wanted to see if i could get away with running 10 miles this weekend, but when i told him that jersey was hilly, he said he would prefer if i maxed out at 8. okaaaaay. it's hard to be good.
i decided to run today because i got out to jersey late on friday and saturday promised on and off rain all day. i got a late start, mostly because i didn't sleep well. i mapped out a course that was a bit over 7 miles, and decided if i was feeling awesome i could always tack a little more on at the end.
i didn't really feel awesome at any point of the run. there were points where i felt way better than others, but i can feel that i haven't run in a bit, and that coupled with feeling very "gimpy" left me feeling very awkward and uncoordinated. the first 3 miles were the worst. i felt hot, winded and lopsided.
things got better as i went, and my mid-run gatorade definitely helped me out, leading me to believe i did not hydrate properly saturday evening (full disclosure: i did have a few sugar-laded cocktails saturday afternoon that i probably could have done without considering i was running the next day).
when i got to the turn off to head back to the house, i took it, knowing that i have plenty of time, and pushing my injury is not going to do anyone any good. i had my watch on for hydrating purposes but was very slow, so probably shouldn't have timed myself, as it is damaging to my psyche to be running so slowly.
but now, i've stretched and rolled some more, and had some grilled french toast cooked up by my man and we'll see how the week goes!
today's mileage: 7.3
time run: 1h25m
season mileage to date: 190.8
so apologies for it being a while. i haven't had much to say because i've been a bit injured and i get super cranky when i'm injured, so i've mostly been updating through the ole facebook page where I can keep it short and sweet.
so....after my "successful" long run two weeks ago, i got myself a bit of a calf strain. it was probably something that had been building up but i hadn't noticed and perhaps my speedy run set it off. i wasn't able to get into the physical therapist until this past monday, so for one week i just rested and didn't do anything but ice and use the torture device aka roller.
so when i went to see the PT monday, that is when i was diagnosed. the good news was that i could still run - just not fast (absolutely no speed work), not too many hills (no hill training), and not too long. weeeeeell okay then. i was also to stretch and roll before running and also 3x a day, as well as trying to get to the gym for some reduced weight calf raises.
on wednesday morning i went out for my first one and it felt pretty shitty. it doesn't hurt like sharp shooting pain - it's more of a tight dull ache that makes it feel as tho the calf muscle doesn't have a complete range of motion. this made me feel a bit like i was hobbling, even though i wasn't really compensating judging by my gait. it just felt weird. i ran 3.4 miles and gave myself a good stretch but felt very stiff and therefor discouraged all day wednesday.
wednesday's mileage: 13.3
time run: n/a
season mileage to date: 183.5
thursday i felt better - it seemed as though maybe the run had done the stiffness good.
friday after work i went back to the pt where he did more soft tissue work (aka super painful massage/pressure stuff) and some exercises. i wanted to see if i could get away with running 10 miles this weekend, but when i told him that jersey was hilly, he said he would prefer if i maxed out at 8. okaaaaay. it's hard to be good.
i decided to run today because i got out to jersey late on friday and saturday promised on and off rain all day. i got a late start, mostly because i didn't sleep well. i mapped out a course that was a bit over 7 miles, and decided if i was feeling awesome i could always tack a little more on at the end.
i didn't really feel awesome at any point of the run. there were points where i felt way better than others, but i can feel that i haven't run in a bit, and that coupled with feeling very "gimpy" left me feeling very awkward and uncoordinated. the first 3 miles were the worst. i felt hot, winded and lopsided.
things got better as i went, and my mid-run gatorade definitely helped me out, leading me to believe i did not hydrate properly saturday evening (full disclosure: i did have a few sugar-laded cocktails saturday afternoon that i probably could have done without considering i was running the next day).
when i got to the turn off to head back to the house, i took it, knowing that i have plenty of time, and pushing my injury is not going to do anyone any good. i had my watch on for hydrating purposes but was very slow, so probably shouldn't have timed myself, as it is damaging to my psyche to be running so slowly.
but now, i've stretched and rolled some more, and had some grilled french toast cooked up by my man and we'll see how the week goes!
today's mileage: 7.3
time run: 1h25m
season mileage to date: 190.8
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
one lousy mile. ish.
as you might have noticed i've had a tweeky calf since saturday's run that i was so pleased with. i let it rest for a few days, opted out of practice, rolled, iced, stretched, took a bunch of advil, and iced some more. i called my doctor - she's out for a few weeks, and i have an appointment on september 2nd. i call my pt - they don't have an appointment until monday.
and so i sit in injury limbo...do i run? how much? when should i stop or keep going? is it serious? I WANNA RUN.
this morning i decided that it was time to test it out. i decided i would run the shortest route of my park routes, and if my calf was bugging me, i would be good and walk back home. i headed out and my calf was feeling very stiff. i ran up the hill and into the park, and probably about about a mile into the run i decide it was best to stop. the tightness was hurting - not so much that i was overcompensating, but it definitely did not feel right.
i knew i could motor through the rest of the run, but not knowing what is going on made me decide to rest and hopefully, sooner than later, run another day.
and so i go back to icing, advil, stretching, rolling and attempting not to worry.
and so i sit in injury limbo...do i run? how much? when should i stop or keep going? is it serious? I WANNA RUN.
this morning i decided that it was time to test it out. i decided i would run the shortest route of my park routes, and if my calf was bugging me, i would be good and walk back home. i headed out and my calf was feeling very stiff. i ran up the hill and into the park, and probably about about a mile into the run i decide it was best to stop. the tightness was hurting - not so much that i was overcompensating, but it definitely did not feel right.
i knew i could motor through the rest of the run, but not knowing what is going on made me decide to rest and hopefully, sooner than later, run another day.
and so i go back to icing, advil, stretching, rolling and attempting not to worry.
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