i think i'm paranoid

jumping back into marathon training into after being injured is a very different game mentally. to put it plainly - i am paranoid of getting hurt again and its affecting how i run.

through out training for the first marathon, there was constant worry over my physical ability to run a marathon - can i really do this? am i crazy? 26 miles is a long damn run! etc. etc.

then after the 2nd, i feel like i had built up some level of confidence in my running, my ability to train and ultimately complete the 26.2. not that i am fast or a good runner but i felt that while hard, and time consuming and full of effort, i CAN run a marathon, and even get a tiny bit faster each time. when i was running last summer, i felt comfortable enough to push myself during training, which, maybe was part of my demise.

the stress fractures have, sadly, killed a bit of my confidence and made me a little bit more cautious as to how i am approaching the running.

not to say that i am not training, but when we're doing repeats or pounding up and down the hills, i will certainly be mindful of how hard i'm pushing until i feel like the danger of inciting the anger of my bones has passed. will this pass? i'm not sure. i certainly hope so, but i think it will only come with time and distance runs that will put me more at ease.

tomorrow, we have a race in prospect park - just 4 miles, easy breezy i think, snow and ice aside! see you on the road.