Saturday, February 27, 2010

i think i'm paranoid

jumping back into marathon training into after being injured is a very different game mentally. to put it plainly - i am paranoid of getting hurt again and its affecting how i run.

through out training for the first marathon, there was constant worry over my physical ability to run a marathon - can i really do this? am i crazy? 26 miles is a long damn run! etc. etc.

then after the 2nd, i feel like i had built up some level of confidence in my running, my ability to train and ultimately complete the 26.2. not that i am fast or a good runner but i felt that while hard, and time consuming and full of effort, i CAN run a marathon, and even get a tiny bit faster each time. when i was running last summer, i felt comfortable enough to push myself during training, which, maybe was part of my demise.

the stress fractures have, sadly, killed a bit of my confidence and made me a little bit more cautious as to how i am approaching the running.

not to say that i am not training, but when we're doing repeats or pounding up and down the hills, i will certainly be mindful of how hard i'm pushing until i feel like the danger of inciting the anger of my bones has passed. will this pass? i'm not sure. i certainly hope so, but i think it will only come with time and distance runs that will put me more at ease.

tomorrow, we have a race in prospect park - just 4 miles, easy breezy i think, snow and ice aside! see you on the road.


avisualperson said...

welcome back! when is the San Diego race you are training for? glad you are back in the game and facing the injury demons; indeed you are not alone and in fact, probably jostled by tons of people who try and choose between "running through the pain" and "taking a day off"; I'm glad you chose the rest route because there is no cure for pain like rest. no amount of minutes or seconds shaved off a pace is worth long-term damage but thankfully, the human body is an amazing machine that is built for performance and recovery.

for me, running is so crazy in that you can really track and document performance improvement, and you always surprise yourself. it's incremental, it rises in plateaus, but you always reach a higher level when you put work in. your TNT calendar looks scary but only because I don't understand the notation or shorthand.

you're obviously surrounded by experts so hopefully what happened last year to cause problems is now something you approach cautiously (correct). I still haven't figured out the thing where, if you feel pain, it's already too late! (that's probably true) and indeed, I always back off when something starts twinging because . . . IT'S JUST NOT WORTH IT. Thankfully, time is always on our side: there is always another run, another race, another chance to prove ourselves, but not at the expense of our health.

keep it up! and, thanks for keeping us posted.

roxie said...

thanks! it's hard/frustrating & all that to feel that i've taken a step back, but i know somewhere in the back of my ambitious little head that it is OKAY not to be faster all the time.

and your reminder that there is always another run is a good one. it made me think of anthony and other people who have come back from way more difficult things than my stress fractures to run another day.

thanks for keeping an eye out :)