so the week after the bad-15, i was in a bad way.
the strange thing was, that i knew that even though i had been having bad runs, and even with the shin splints, i could get myself through the marathon one way or another.
but i didn't *want* to struggle through my second marathon. i didn't struggle through the first one, and i sure as hell didn't want to do worse at the 2nd one than the first. i wanted to improve, to be a better, stronger runner; i wanted to finish san diego in 4 hours and 30 minutes. i wanted to feel great at the end. for me, since i had finished the first feeling fantastic, there would be no glory, no sense of elation in "just finishing" because i knew that i could do that.
and for a few days after that run, i was miserable thinking about how it was going be, and so disappointed in the way the season turned out. and then i had a thought. and when it popped into my head, my shoulders on down to my toes heaved a sigh of relief.
i could drop down to the 1/2 marathon in san diego.
along with the sigh of relief came the countering thoughts of "you're gonna let everyone down", "remember why you are doing this!", "don't be a wuss - you know you can do it" and "stop being a baby and just run." and so for a few days i hemmed and hawed over what to do. i was a ball of stress, between this decision looming over my head, insanely busy at work (ex: working until 3am one night getting some brochures out) and fundraising-captain responsibilities for the fall season kicking in. i talked to sk8 about it - we're very alike in the "i-hate-to-be-wussy" sort of way - and so i knew that she'd be a good judge of my decision. the conversation was a while ago, but her general response to me worrying about being a wimp was "shut up."
i felt better. and i mulled some more.
finally, on friday of that week, i decided (in my head - i didn't make it official until monday), that i was only going to run the 1/2. i still have mixed emotions about it, but i know from the stress that has evaporated that it is the right decision, and for the most part i feel good about it. i'm sad a bit that i will not have pushed myself to run the full now, but hopefully i made a smart decision in letting my shins heal a bit more so that i can keep running through the summer. and on the positive side, i am really excited to be able to cheer in the rookie and the other first timers i've been mentoring at the finish line.
mostly though, while i'm not one who "cares what people think" in the traditional sense of the phrase, i hope that i haven't let you down too much.
Showing posts with label shin-splint. Show all posts
Showing posts with label shin-splint. Show all posts
Monday, May 28, 2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
i'm okay (really)
i'm sorry, i realize that i've left a lot of you hanging, possibly worried about me and my shins.
after the walk of shame incident on the west side highway, i was pretty beat down, primarily confidence wise. i had been dealing with the fact that i pretty much wasn't running at all during the weeks, to save myself for saturdays...and when i couldn't run that saturday i felt, frankly, like crap.
that week i stretched and moped and stretched and moped. i saw the best concert i'd seen in years (arcade fire way up in sk8's neighborhood), and we had the fall season kick off. work was gearing up for a huge deadline on the 24th and i was more or less feeling more and more overwhelmed and nervous. you'd think at some point i'd get used to being so busy, but every now and again the stress induces things like...crazy dreams of escape and conflict that leave me sitting up in bed at 3 am with my heart racing.
as i type this, i'm conscious that i sound like a big baby, but i've always been honest with you all about whats going on so i've gotta continue right?
anyway, when saturday rolled around it was time to try to run again. this was may 12th if anyone is counting. we were in the park, and i was going to try to do 18 - 20. i was petrified and not feeling optimistic but i tried to "think positive". bah. we got to practice a little bit late, so i was one of the last to head out into the park.
it was a gorgeous day, the one of the first truly warm ones, i started off with a few girls, but decided to hold back and let them go on ahead so that i wasn't pushing too hard. i was pleasantly surprised that the shins didn't hurt too bad off the bat, and that improved my mood considerably. the one thing that was strange was i was feeling particularly winded. i wasn't sure if it was because i hadn't been running as much or maybe the humidity, but breathing was, for the first time in months, a bit laborious. i ignored it and pressed on.
the first loop was not bad, not great, but not bad. i felt a big sluggish but was happy i wasn't in pain. i stopped to stretch every time i got water, and that was doing nothing for my time, but i tried not to think about any time pressures. the second loop, as usual, was much better as my legs got more loose and i fell into a rhythm to arcade fire's funeral. 12 miles...done. one more loop.
we had started at 90th street this week so i headed north, past 102nd transverse, and around the backside of the park. this is where it started unraveling. somewhere in the middle of harlem hill, i think i hit a mini-wall. now, lucky as i am, i don't think that i ever "hit the wall" in my first marathon. there was no point where my body was screaming at me to stop. i mean, it would have been happy to, but i blessedly got a 2nd wind around mile 18 that took me through to 22/23 and from there on i was on an elated auto-pilot. there was no *way* i would have stopped.
so it was much to my surprise when, in the middle of this hill that i've run a million times, i totally ran out of energy and had to walk. it was as if someone unplugged me and even my very stubborn brain couldn't make my legs motor up that hill. i swore at myself in an effort to get myself going, but for once my body was stronger than my mind and i resigned myself to walking the last bit of the hill. i so didn't feel like a superhero that day.
i started running again after the hill, but it was hard going...my legs started tightening up, and my shins started wincing a bit and i felt atrocious. when i saw the west side of the 102nd street transverse, i grudgingly decided to listen to the yelling of my body and cut the run 1t about 15 miles.
it was a good decision. i had to stop and walk again about 5 minutes later for no apparent reason and i was feeling appropriately embarrassed and cranky about it. i saw two gals from the season who asked if i was okay, i muttered "yeah, shin-splints." and kept walking. grrrr. after a few minutes i started running again and made it back to bag watch finally. i was moderately relieved to find that i was by no means the only person that was having a terrible run that day. someone mentioned that the pollen count was ridiculously high and it was more humid than any otehr runs we've had, and given the problems breathing i had been having, i was content to let those be factors that had impeded my run.
the next day i woke up extra sore and tender - my back hurt, my shins, despite icing, were very unhappy with me, and i felt sniffly, likely because of all the pollen. given the appearance of the mini-wall, i was also not feeling great about running a marathon in three weeks...ug.
after the walk of shame incident on the west side highway, i was pretty beat down, primarily confidence wise. i had been dealing with the fact that i pretty much wasn't running at all during the weeks, to save myself for saturdays...and when i couldn't run that saturday i felt, frankly, like crap.
that week i stretched and moped and stretched and moped. i saw the best concert i'd seen in years (arcade fire way up in sk8's neighborhood), and we had the fall season kick off. work was gearing up for a huge deadline on the 24th and i was more or less feeling more and more overwhelmed and nervous. you'd think at some point i'd get used to being so busy, but every now and again the stress induces things like...crazy dreams of escape and conflict that leave me sitting up in bed at 3 am with my heart racing.
as i type this, i'm conscious that i sound like a big baby, but i've always been honest with you all about whats going on so i've gotta continue right?
anyway, when saturday rolled around it was time to try to run again. this was may 12th if anyone is counting. we were in the park, and i was going to try to do 18 - 20. i was petrified and not feeling optimistic but i tried to "think positive". bah. we got to practice a little bit late, so i was one of the last to head out into the park.
it was a gorgeous day, the one of the first truly warm ones, i started off with a few girls, but decided to hold back and let them go on ahead so that i wasn't pushing too hard. i was pleasantly surprised that the shins didn't hurt too bad off the bat, and that improved my mood considerably. the one thing that was strange was i was feeling particularly winded. i wasn't sure if it was because i hadn't been running as much or maybe the humidity, but breathing was, for the first time in months, a bit laborious. i ignored it and pressed on.
the first loop was not bad, not great, but not bad. i felt a big sluggish but was happy i wasn't in pain. i stopped to stretch every time i got water, and that was doing nothing for my time, but i tried not to think about any time pressures. the second loop, as usual, was much better as my legs got more loose and i fell into a rhythm to arcade fire's funeral. 12 miles...done. one more loop.
we had started at 90th street this week so i headed north, past 102nd transverse, and around the backside of the park. this is where it started unraveling. somewhere in the middle of harlem hill, i think i hit a mini-wall. now, lucky as i am, i don't think that i ever "hit the wall" in my first marathon. there was no point where my body was screaming at me to stop. i mean, it would have been happy to, but i blessedly got a 2nd wind around mile 18 that took me through to 22/23 and from there on i was on an elated auto-pilot. there was no *way* i would have stopped.
so it was much to my surprise when, in the middle of this hill that i've run a million times, i totally ran out of energy and had to walk. it was as if someone unplugged me and even my very stubborn brain couldn't make my legs motor up that hill. i swore at myself in an effort to get myself going, but for once my body was stronger than my mind and i resigned myself to walking the last bit of the hill. i so didn't feel like a superhero that day.
i started running again after the hill, but it was hard going...my legs started tightening up, and my shins started wincing a bit and i felt atrocious. when i saw the west side of the 102nd street transverse, i grudgingly decided to listen to the yelling of my body and cut the run 1t about 15 miles.
it was a good decision. i had to stop and walk again about 5 minutes later for no apparent reason and i was feeling appropriately embarrassed and cranky about it. i saw two gals from the season who asked if i was okay, i muttered "yeah, shin-splints." and kept walking. grrrr. after a few minutes i started running again and made it back to bag watch finally. i was moderately relieved to find that i was by no means the only person that was having a terrible run that day. someone mentioned that the pollen count was ridiculously high and it was more humid than any otehr runs we've had, and given the problems breathing i had been having, i was content to let those be factors that had impeded my run.
the next day i woke up extra sore and tender - my back hurt, my shins, despite icing, were very unhappy with me, and i felt sniffly, likely because of all the pollen. given the appearance of the mini-wall, i was also not feeling great about running a marathon in three weeks...ug.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
a bit broken
yes, i am referring to myself. not out-of-the-game-broken, but broken enough to think doubtfully.
saturday we were supposed to do a 18 - 20 mile run. because the revlon breast cancer walk was in the park, we were running down the westside from 72nd street, around the point of manhattan, up to e.10th street and back. it should have been a great run - it was sunny and the perfect temp., and a nice, flat, out-and-back run.
but it was not to be. as the rookie and i took off, those steps induced shooting pains up the front of my leg, so much so that i stopped and walked for a moment directly. rook asked if i was okay, and i said, um, no, maybe...and we started running again and it hurt so that i was running very slowly and tenderly. while my shin-splints had been "uncomfortable" (as ramon would say) in the past weeks, they hurt. i told the rookie to go on, because i was going to have to go pretty slowly for the first bit until they loosened up.
i coulndn't imagine running 5 miles, never mind 18, feeling the way i was. i loped along, waiting for the pain to ease up. usually with in a few minutes, the pain/discomfort eases up, and then after a few miles slowly starts going away. this time, not so much. a mile down, and still no relief. in fact, my whole left leg started to tighten up, kind of compensating for the lack of help coming from my shin. ug. i stopped to stretch my calves and saw some tnters who asked if i wanted them to wait. i said no, not knowing how it was going to go.
i started up again, and then stopped and walked. i went about three feet in the other direction and then turned around and started "running" again. i growled at myself to keep going, it would get better. i stopped a little farther down again at a boat dock that had a bathroom, grabbed water and stretched my calves again. i started out again...running for another five minutes before i swore at myself and stopped to walk. i repeated the start back and then try again routine. but i could feel a limp and turned around for a very cranky cranky walk back to 72nd street. if we had been in the park i might have kept at it despite the pain, but since we were doing an out and back, i didn't want to end up stranded at battery park not being able to walk/run back.
i was talking about it with a running friend today and when i told her that, she said, "oh yeah, its like the walk of shame." and that's exactly what it was, but there was almost more shame. walking, not running, not biking, in the wrong direction, with a sullen and disappointed face. not a pretty picture at all.
i saw rand & his brother with spencer and they asked what was wrong. i grumpily told them the dumb shin-splints and kept walking. i was a jumble of negative emotions. feeling like i should have kept going, wondering if i should have tried to ignore it longer, feeling worried about not getting the run in, that the shin-splints weren't going to go away, and what if they don't go away for the marathon? i don't know if i could do it. feeling angry because i hadn't been as good about yoga and stretching this past week, and being ferociously mad at myself.
today's mileage: 1.5*
total mileage to date: 150.3
*does not count the 1.5 miles walked back, only the first actual running leg of the trip.
saturday we were supposed to do a 18 - 20 mile run. because the revlon breast cancer walk was in the park, we were running down the westside from 72nd street, around the point of manhattan, up to e.10th street and back. it should have been a great run - it was sunny and the perfect temp., and a nice, flat, out-and-back run.
but it was not to be. as the rookie and i took off, those steps induced shooting pains up the front of my leg, so much so that i stopped and walked for a moment directly. rook asked if i was okay, and i said, um, no, maybe...and we started running again and it hurt so that i was running very slowly and tenderly. while my shin-splints had been "uncomfortable" (as ramon would say) in the past weeks, they hurt. i told the rookie to go on, because i was going to have to go pretty slowly for the first bit until they loosened up.
i coulndn't imagine running 5 miles, never mind 18, feeling the way i was. i loped along, waiting for the pain to ease up. usually with in a few minutes, the pain/discomfort eases up, and then after a few miles slowly starts going away. this time, not so much. a mile down, and still no relief. in fact, my whole left leg started to tighten up, kind of compensating for the lack of help coming from my shin. ug. i stopped to stretch my calves and saw some tnters who asked if i wanted them to wait. i said no, not knowing how it was going to go.
i started up again, and then stopped and walked. i went about three feet in the other direction and then turned around and started "running" again. i growled at myself to keep going, it would get better. i stopped a little farther down again at a boat dock that had a bathroom, grabbed water and stretched my calves again. i started out again...running for another five minutes before i swore at myself and stopped to walk. i repeated the start back and then try again routine. but i could feel a limp and turned around for a very cranky cranky walk back to 72nd street. if we had been in the park i might have kept at it despite the pain, but since we were doing an out and back, i didn't want to end up stranded at battery park not being able to walk/run back.
i was talking about it with a running friend today and when i told her that, she said, "oh yeah, its like the walk of shame." and that's exactly what it was, but there was almost more shame. walking, not running, not biking, in the wrong direction, with a sullen and disappointed face. not a pretty picture at all.
i saw rand & his brother with spencer and they asked what was wrong. i grumpily told them the dumb shin-splints and kept walking. i was a jumble of negative emotions. feeling like i should have kept going, wondering if i should have tried to ignore it longer, feeling worried about not getting the run in, that the shin-splints weren't going to go away, and what if they don't go away for the marathon? i don't know if i could do it. feeling angry because i hadn't been as good about yoga and stretching this past week, and being ferociously mad at myself.
today's mileage: 1.5*
total mileage to date: 150.3
*does not count the 1.5 miles walked back, only the first actual running leg of the trip.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
the week in review
so between last saturday and this saturday there was no running. just stretching.
despite the stretching, the shins have been very very ouchie. walking downstairs has been especially painful, despite all the stretching. i should have been cross-training, but that means 6:30am spin classes or 7am yoga classes, and i'm not sure if it's because i've been really busy but general laziness but there was no cross-training in marathonville this week.
i even went so far as not to go to practice on wednesday, and you know i never miss practice. we're in hill training, and the thought of thumping my shins around made me queezy and so i didn't even run.
usually i would feel really guilty about this but i'm hurting - or, as ramon says, uncomfortable enough that this didn't really bother me this week. i was hoping for some relief on saturday morning. we had a big run ahead of us, over the george washington into a very hilly park on the jersey side of the hudson.
despite the stretching, the shins have been very very ouchie. walking downstairs has been especially painful, despite all the stretching. i should have been cross-training, but that means 6:30am spin classes or 7am yoga classes, and i'm not sure if it's because i've been really busy but general laziness but there was no cross-training in marathonville this week.
i even went so far as not to go to practice on wednesday, and you know i never miss practice. we're in hill training, and the thought of thumping my shins around made me queezy and so i didn't even run.
usually i would feel really guilty about this but i'm hurting - or, as ramon says, uncomfortable enough that this didn't really bother me this week. i was hoping for some relief on saturday morning. we had a big run ahead of us, over the george washington into a very hilly park on the jersey side of the hudson.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
and we have a connection...
first of major apologies for what was probably my longest hiatus in a while. i finally sucked it up and decided to pay for an internet connection at home so you'll probably be more tired with the volume of posts than anything.
so we've a lot to catch up on.
okay so overall things are good. i have been doing a lot of yoga for cross-training - there's a studio near me that has 7 am classes that i can pretty much roll out of bed and stumble to. i have been having a really hard time with my shin splints - they are really painful. in case you don't know the mechanics of shin splints, the calf muscle is so tight that it pulls the tissue away from the shin bone (tibia) on the front of the leg. when this happens, the bone can absorb more of the impact from running. this can be painful and potentially, lead to stress fractures.
this is my biggest worry, and mine have gotten progressively worse over the last few weeks. so much so, that i e-mailed ramon, who checked me out at practice last wednesday. he grabbed my calf and said "yes, they are very tight". huh. and i had thought that was good ;). he recommended more cross-training and less running, icing after running, stretching my calves 10-15 minutes a day (this is harder than you'd think) and running on soft surfaces when possible.
last wed we had session 2 of the hills, which, once the splints loosened up, was a.o.k. afterwards those of us that have been mooching off of rand for rides, took him out for a burger with a few other peeps and talked strategy and goal times for the brooklyn 1/2 marathon that saturday. typically, i try to avoid thinking about time, but i am trying to become a better runner here, and speed is well, speed. so when cap asked me what time i was going for, instead of saying i wasn't thinking about it (lest i dissappoint myself) i declaired 2 hours and 15 minutes. ha.
i got to that number figuring a little over a 10 minute mile could possibly be doable given my time on the previous saturday's run. we would see.
yoga sessions: 2
april 11 mileage: 4.0
season mileage to date: 108.7
so we've a lot to catch up on.
okay so overall things are good. i have been doing a lot of yoga for cross-training - there's a studio near me that has 7 am classes that i can pretty much roll out of bed and stumble to. i have been having a really hard time with my shin splints - they are really painful. in case you don't know the mechanics of shin splints, the calf muscle is so tight that it pulls the tissue away from the shin bone (tibia) on the front of the leg. when this happens, the bone can absorb more of the impact from running. this can be painful and potentially, lead to stress fractures.
this is my biggest worry, and mine have gotten progressively worse over the last few weeks. so much so, that i e-mailed ramon, who checked me out at practice last wednesday. he grabbed my calf and said "yes, they are very tight". huh. and i had thought that was good ;). he recommended more cross-training and less running, icing after running, stretching my calves 10-15 minutes a day (this is harder than you'd think) and running on soft surfaces when possible.
last wed we had session 2 of the hills, which, once the splints loosened up, was a.o.k. afterwards those of us that have been mooching off of rand for rides, took him out for a burger with a few other peeps and talked strategy and goal times for the brooklyn 1/2 marathon that saturday. typically, i try to avoid thinking about time, but i am trying to become a better runner here, and speed is well, speed. so when cap asked me what time i was going for, instead of saying i wasn't thinking about it (lest i dissappoint myself) i declaired 2 hours and 15 minutes. ha.
i got to that number figuring a little over a 10 minute mile could possibly be doable given my time on the previous saturday's run. we would see.
yoga sessions: 2
april 11 mileage: 4.0
season mileage to date: 108.7
Saturday, November 11, 2006
worst. run. ever.
prepare yourself for a lotta whining.
since i've been trying to kick a nasty cold, i thought that today i would do my short run, and tomorrow i would do my long run. this week, since we did 16 last week, i only had to do 12 miles, so i thought that 2 loops in the park tomorrow evening would be fun (and smart). then, since i've had this dumb shin splint that won't go away on my left leg that i'm paranoid about, i thought, why not give my body a break from the pavement, and do the 3-4 miles on the treadmill.
damn treadmill and damn legs.
i started off at a faster pace than usual, which probably wasn't wise since i haven't run since wednesday and, being sick, have been doing a lot of laying around. i was aiming for an 11 minute mile and after one at that pace, my RIGHT leg, the one without the shin splint, betrayed me and my calf totally cramped up, which hasn't happened in months. argh. i slowed down to my typical pace but it felt so bad that i had to stop.
i probably could have completed the miles very painfully, but i remembered ramon saying one day, if your body is refusing, then the benefits may not outway the hurt by keeping going. plus i still need to do my 12 tomorrow, which needs to go well or, well, i will just be very discouraged.
so i grouchily stopped and got a good long stretch in. and made my way home. i'm icing my shin as i write. i don't even want to admit the mileage but i will. it shouldn't even count, it's so sad and pathetic. i guess i should be happy that my cough seems to be disappating, but if you don't mind, i'm just going to sulk for a little bit.
today's mileage: 1.5
total mileage: 194.6
since i've been trying to kick a nasty cold, i thought that today i would do my short run, and tomorrow i would do my long run. this week, since we did 16 last week, i only had to do 12 miles, so i thought that 2 loops in the park tomorrow evening would be fun (and smart). then, since i've had this dumb shin splint that won't go away on my left leg that i'm paranoid about, i thought, why not give my body a break from the pavement, and do the 3-4 miles on the treadmill.
damn treadmill and damn legs.
i started off at a faster pace than usual, which probably wasn't wise since i haven't run since wednesday and, being sick, have been doing a lot of laying around. i was aiming for an 11 minute mile and after one at that pace, my RIGHT leg, the one without the shin splint, betrayed me and my calf totally cramped up, which hasn't happened in months. argh. i slowed down to my typical pace but it felt so bad that i had to stop.
i probably could have completed the miles very painfully, but i remembered ramon saying one day, if your body is refusing, then the benefits may not outway the hurt by keeping going. plus i still need to do my 12 tomorrow, which needs to go well or, well, i will just be very discouraged.
so i grouchily stopped and got a good long stretch in. and made my way home. i'm icing my shin as i write. i don't even want to admit the mileage but i will. it shouldn't even count, it's so sad and pathetic. i guess i should be happy that my cough seems to be disappating, but if you don't mind, i'm just going to sulk for a little bit.
today's mileage: 1.5
total mileage: 194.6
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